My man is forcing me to abort our baby
Dec 13, 2011
Many men are resorting to abortion as a family planning method. Ruth has been married to Thomas for 10 years and they have four children. Like any wife, she anticipated the birth of a child whenever she got pregnant, until she discovered her husband believed otherwise.
Many men are resorting to abortion as a family planning method, writes Juliet Kasirye
Ruth has been married to Thomas for 10 years and they have four children. Like any wife, she anticipated the birth of a child whenever she got pregnant, until she discovered her husband believed otherwise.
“Since I was using contraceptive pills, I was sure I would never conceive after I had our fourth child. All was well until I told my husband I was three months pregnant,” Ruth recalls.
Rather than receive the news with joy, Ruth’s husband asked her to carry out an abortion, saying he was neither financially stable nor ready to take care of another child.
She was afraid of the complications that came with abortion, especially death and begged her husband to reconsider. “I tried to convince him that we would find means to look after the child instead of committing murder!” she says.
She then turned a deaf ear whenever her husband mounted pressure for an abortion. However, more was yet to come. “Thomas threatened to abandon the children and I, if I gave birth to the fifth child.”
To make matters worse, Thomas took to alcohol, returning home late and often slept in the guest bedroom. He often beat the children at the slightest provocation. And the couple hardly talked to each other.
“My husband was torturing me psychologically so much that I gave in to his demands to save our marriage. He gave me the tablets that I swallowed and the cotton wool I used when I started bleeding.”
Although she seemed not to suffer any physical complication after the abortion, Ruth still grieves for her baby.
“I committed murder. What I did was a sin before God.”
Why would a man force his partner to abort their baby?
Grace Mirembe, an entrepreneur says, “In many young relationships, most young men who are not ready for the responsibility of being a father and the financial obligations that come with it force their girlfriends to carry out an abortion.”
Sarah Kirabo, an engineer, gives her experience that her husband once forced her to carry out an abortion claiming that they had many children. “Since I was not employed, I gave in to his demands.” For Kirabo, that was not all as her husband threatened to keep pressuring her to abort, if she ever conceived without his permission.
Joan Musisi, an accountant, explains that she felt despised when her boyfriend pressured her to have an abortion. She says he told her he was not ready to start a family and that he should have informed him first before conceiving as he could not take care of a child who he had not planned for.
John Oridi, a counsellor at Christ the King Church, believes that though some men pressure women to carry out abortions, there are some women who are so quick to do it, especially if they cheated on their partners and they are not sure who the father of their unborn child is.
“Biblically it is a sin to commit murder although women who were raped, are often pressured by their relatives to carry out an abortion. Many times, women who were raped are afraid of becoming single mothers to look after the family,” says Fred Mugerwa, a pastor at Light Church.
To go or not to go for the abortion
Wilber Karugahe, a counselling psychologist at Kyambogo University, says abortion often leaves permanent marks on a woman’s body and mind. For instance, in some extremes, some women end up committing suicide after carrying out an abortion because of the guilt and shame, which overwhelms them.
Karugahe recommends women who are forced into an abortion need to seek post abortion counselling, spiritual and social support from their relatives, which will enable them to live a normal life.
Psychologically abortion causes torture and feelings of guilty to the person practising it because it does not only affect the body but also the mind.
However, instead of carrying out an abortion, Oridi advises couples in such situations to seek counselling from their church leaders and professional experts. Couples should also take precautions and avoid recklessness and doing things out of excitement.
Give in to his wishes, brace yourself for...
Dr Tony Kapsandui says the main implications of carrying out an abortion include introduction of the infections into the uterus, which may eventually lead to infertility, because such severe infections damage the uterus.
What’s more, quack doctors usually use sharp instruments to induce abortion, which in turn damage the uterine wall. This usually causes heavy bleeding and ultimately death, adds Dr Kapsandui.
According to Dr. Erina Nambooze, common complications of abortion, include excessive sbleeding, premature delivery, cervical incompetence, which can make it difficult for a woman to carry any subsequent pregnancy full-term. It can also cause the placenta to rupture and bits of it can remain in the uterus and rot, which eventually leads to death.
In addition, Dr. Nambooze adds, some women also get depressed when they remember the pain they suffered when they carried out an abortion. Besides, such women tend to be tormented many times when they hear a baby cry or when they see a child who is the same age as theirs would have been if they had given birth to them.
Joesph Musaalo, a counsellor, also cautions women to remember that men can easily abandon them even after they have carried out the abortion. So they would weigh the pros and cons before carrying out an abortion.
Get out of the dilemma
Veronica Nakityo, a lawyer at Kagga advises married women to petition court for a separation agreement, if their partners pressure them to have an abortion. It is important for a couple to separate for a while as they iron out their issues.
Nakityo adds that abortion is a criminal offence and a woman can be arrested and charged for infanticide, if the Police investigates and finds evidence that he carried out an abortion. However, if the Police fail to get evidence within 48 hours, it will release the suspect.
Pastor Mugerwa advises women to report their partners to the church leaders if they are being pressured to abort their babies. Women can also take their children to an orphanage when they are born.
Dr. Tony Kapsandui, with the Reproductive Health Uganda, notes that though abortion is illegal, in certain cases, take for example when a pregnancy is threatening the mother’s life, it can be legally carried out.
“If a woman is pressured by her husband to carry out an abortion, she should seek counselling from church leaders and professional counsellors before she commits murder because abortion often leads to death,” advises Joseph Musaalo, a counselling psychologist.
He also advises women to report their partners to the Police if they keep pressuring them to have an abortion.
Avoid unwanted pregnancies
Dr. Erina Nambooze advises women to always seek advice from family planning clinics or health-centres before selecting a particular method.
Family planning methods include contraceptive pills, condoms, moon beads and injectable methods, such as Injectaplan to limit chances of getting unwanted pregnancies.
Is family planning the women’s responsibility alone?
Family planning should not be left to the woman alone because both parties contribute to the existence of the child. However, men should always encourage and remind their spouses to swallow pills or apply other family planning methods before having sex,” says Wilber Karugahe, a counsellor.
John Oridi, another counsellor, says that it is a misconception to think that family planning is a woman’s responsibility alone because it takes both a man and woman for a baby to be conceived, so both need to be involved in preventing unwanted pregnancies.
Veronica Nakityo, a lawyer, believes couples should always sit and discuss the best family planning methods. For example, men should also take part of the family planning by going for a vasectomy.
Adapted from Her Vision; The New Vision Tuesday