Are you stressing your child?

Few parents can tell when their children get stressed, but the truth is, children too get stressed. Is your child having mood swings, bedwetting or complains of constant aches?

These could be indicators of a big problem, writes Maureen Namatovu . . .

Many times, we take it for granted that a child’s life is stress-free, but just like adults, children suffer stress. How? From things that happen around them, for example, a loved one dying, constant teasing or bullying by classmates and parents who are constantly at loggerheads with each other.

Causes of stress in children

Ronnie Mutebi, a counsellor at Christian Life Church in Bwaise, says children get stressed over matters that appear trivial to adults, but very important to them.

For instance, when you constantly pick them up late from school, they may start to feel like there is something keeping you busy that you consider more important than them. Let them know that what delayed you might be important, but is not as important as them.

Fights in the home

Is your home in disharmony? Mutebi says in a home where parents are always fighting, children get affected. 

Often times, a mother may take out her anger on a child after a fight with her husband. Eventually, the child begins to feel that they are the cause for the friction between their parents.

It gets worse when they sense that their parents’ marriage is falling apart. Suddenly, they have to make decisions their minds are not ready for, such as whose side to take, which parent they want to live with? Why won’t they have both their parents anymore?

Absentee parents 

Parents who are always away from home worry their children. This sounds unrealistic, but it is true. 

“When one parent does not return home without any communication or returns very late when they are sleeping, this can cause stress to the children,” Mutebi says. 

The child takes on negative behaviour such as disobedience and throwing temper tantrums, just to get the parent’s attention.

For parents who take frequent trips or work upcountry and children have to sleep over in another person’s home, and it might be someone they do not particularly like. “They may not openly complain, but their behaviour can be very telling,” Mutebi says.”

Failure to pay fees on time

At school, a child is psychologically affected if they are always the one being sent home for non-payment of fees. 

“When a child is sent home for school feels, it embarrasses them. It makes them ask why me?” Moses Bwanika, a parent and social worker says. 

Bwanika adds that even failure to provide for all their needs — scholastic and otherwise — makes them feel inadequate as they compare themselves to their peers who always have them.

Too much work 

When a child does not get enough time to play, he or she ceases to be a child, and that can take a toll on them mentally. Mutebi encourages parents to have adequate time to play with their children and to let them have time to play with their peers.

Teacher/parent conflict 

Children can be stressed when their teachers and parents are in conflict over them. John Bosco Suubi, the head teacher of Advanced Junior School, says: “When a teacher and a parent fail to agree on certain issues, the child feels like their education is threatened. He might think that because the teacher is angry with his parents, perhaps he is angry with him.

High expectations 

Too much expectations from parents and school, for instance when a child is left to cater for his or her younger siblings all the time, or when the parents expect only good grades from him, leaving no room for failure and mistakes.