What if she follows you home?

By Brenda Kenyonyoozi

With today’s bold and educated woman, it may not come as a surprise for a man to hear ‘can I buy you a drink’ from a lady. In fact for some men, this is quite flattering and for others, such a woman scores highly. 

Having a woman hit on you may not be a big deal, but having her invite herself into your house surely is.

When Chris Ategyeka, a marketer, went into a pub one night, he wanted to appease his ‘bruised’ soul. Little did he he know that as he leaned on the counter, sipping his beer, he had become an attraction for a lady in the bar.

“Half way my drink, she invited me to her table,” he narrates. Before he knew it, he found himself in a relationship with a woman he barely knew.

 “Granted; she was beautiful, intelligent and independent but the problem is that I am not ready to get into a serious relationship,” he reveals. But much to his relief, she got a scholarship and flew out of the country to pursue her masters. He has since cut communication with her, hoping she finds another man. 

Although Ategyeka overcame what he calls a milestone, Moses Egesa, a real estate agent was not as lucky. When it comes to such, Egesa thinks he has had the most dramatic episode.

“I met Diana on a trip to Kenya,” he narrates. On returning to Uganda, she started dropping by his place once in a while. However, a month later, he realised that his house had become her second home. 

His attempts to end the relationship became futile as she showed no signs of giving up. Washing and ironing his clothes became a routine for her. Even when a ‘cold war’ ensued with him ceasing to talk to her, she hang on like all was fine. In an effort to make her give up, Egesa left his bed and relocated to the couch, but she did not seem bothered.

Winnie Kirabo, a beautician in Kabalagala, says it is unrealistic for a man to claim that he married a woman because she forced herself into his house.

Why would a woman cling onto a man who doesn’t love her?

Angela Kyagera, a student at Mukono University, thinks some men are responsible for the state of affairs. “Some men give women false hope.

For some women, a man trusting her so much as to take her to his house and hand her his keys is a sign of trust. They will take it as a sign of acceptance.

Therefore, I see no reason for such a man to complain when the woman becomes a regular at his place or moves in,” she says. 

Bernard Oneka, a social worker, blames it on the population imbalance. Given the fact that women outnumber men, some girls will do anything to marry them.

Ms. Edith Tumusiime, a counsellor, says society puts pressure on young women, which makes them desperate. 

“Some young women are constantly asked by relatives or even parents to bring someone home. After graduation, many parents expect their daughters to get married and this pressure may make a girl get to such heights.” she says.  Also, unlike men, women are threatened by the ‘biological clock’.  

 “Some are told that when they reach a certain age, no man will notice them. Those who heed to such talk are likely to hunt down men themselves,” she explains.

Tumusiime advises men to be careful when dealing with such a scenario. Marrying a woman because she forcefully moved into your house is unrealistic. 

“Love should be a mutual feeling. It must be reciprocated and I doubt whether a woman who imposes herself on a man does so out of love. If she notices that you don’t feel the same way about her, but still goes ahead to stay put, then that it is a sign that she doesn’t love you and has selfish interests.”