Even plus-size can look stylish

Dear Keturah,

I am 33 years old and I have no idea what I weigh. I do know that I am size 22 and above. I had an injury a few years ago that doesn’t allow me to wear high heels.

 

I work for a high-profile organisation and I don’t feel that I maintain the image that is required of me. Losing weight is one of the things on the top of my agenda, but somehow it never happens. I have tried having clothes tailored, but they always do a bad job. I have hoarded my formal suits in the hope that I will lose the weight, but that is a battle I seem to be losing.

 

I feel self-conscious and depressed when ladies come in to work with nice dresses, skirt and pant suits, nice high-heeled shoes and I’m there with my over-sized maxi dress and flat ballerina shoes. I have tried to work on other things like accessories, handbags and hair, but the dressing is killing me. 

Please help. 

S.A.

 

Dear S.A.,

It seems that the problem does not lie with your weight, but rather poor self-esteem. Something traumatic could have happened to you and over time eroded your confidence. This could have been an abusive relationship. If someone always puts you down, it is possible to end up feeling dejected. I want to encourage you to take a good look at yourself as this will start the process of recovery. 

 

Women often suffer terribly because we are emotional and are not always treated the way we deserve. Sister, no one is going to love you the way you want unless you fall in love with yourself first. Focusing on your weight will only depress you and shift your focus from what is important.

 

Whereas outer appearance is important (it accounts for 55% of the first impression you make on others) having confidence in yourself is what determines how you live your life. Yes, you might go on a diet and lose weight, but if you have a poor self-image, you’ve strived in vain.  

 

Self-esteem is your opinion of yourself. High self-esteem is a good opinion of yourself, while low self-esteem is a bad opinion of yourself.

 

1 Face your fears: They  seem scary, but your fears are usually exaggerated. Facing your fears increases your confidence.

 

2Forget your failures: Learn from them. Avoid making the same mistakes again. Don’t assume that you failed before so you can’t succeed. Try again, you’re wiser and stronger.  

 

3Work on your self-confidence: There is no part of the body that is as powerful as the mind. “If you believe it, you can achieve it,” writes Nicky Hambleton-Jones in 10 Years Younger. A positive attitude is worth more than the jewels. It plays a significant role in your appearance and attitude to life. 

 

4Know what you want and ask for it: You deserve your dreams to come true! 

 

5Reward yourself when you succeed: Isn’t everything easier when you take time to help yourself? List of your successes and focus on the positive.

 

6Talk: Do not suffer in silence. Identify someone you can share your fears with. Your attitude can be negatively affected so if you have any questions or doubt, ask.                             

 

7Don’t be defeated! Try something else. You are not going to be defeated by one failed attempt are you? Doesn’t everyone fail before they succeed? All you need is a different approach! 

 

8 Don’t fall into depression: A depressed state of mind can lead to serious mental illness so be nip it in the bud. To avoid depression, learn to identify the triggers, face them and move on. This might require a visit to a psychologist. In any case, there is nothing to be ashamed of and even if people laugh at you saying you’re mad, ignore them. What you want is to get well, not to impress others.

 

9 Ditch the maxi dresses: Plus size women are sometimes so embarrassed by their weight that they hide behind hideous clothes. Sister, dress in a way that accentuates your curves,while camouflaging the bits you want to hide. I hope the photos on this page will encourage you to wear the right clothes.

 

10 Best foot forward:  Wear shoes that make you happy even if they are flat. Thankfully, there is a wide variety of flat shoes on the market now that can be teamed with any outfit. 

 

Wearing fabulous clothes without having self-confidence is like painting a cracked wall; the cracks will definitely show through. Only when you are at peace with yourself can you ably make changes to your lifestyle including making healthier food choices. 

 

I wish you the best as you embark on this journey and do feel free to contact me for further help.

 

Ask yourself these questions

Is my job worthwhile? Do others respect what I do?