He passed on too soon

It is every girl’s dream to meet the man of her dreams be swept off her feet. Sometimes, the romance is short lived as for Olivia Kim. Her husband, Paul, was suddenly taken ill and died in May this year. She told Elizabeth Agiro about how she finds the strength to face each new day.

 

It was on New Year’s Eve in 1998 at Kampala Pentecostal Church now Watoto Church overnight that I met Paul Kim. I had seen quite a number of times playing the drums, but on this particular night, he introduced himself and asked to see me the next day. I agreed. I surprised myself because I always thought I needed to finish school before seeing anyone seriously. Our friendship hit it off immediately and grew throughout campus – it was grounded in love, honesty and God.

 

Around 2002, First Love, a gospel outfit that Paul was part of, went on tour in England and while I did not plan it, I followed him to study for two years. I did not have any big brothers when growing up. So, he was like my brother, my mentor and my teacher. Even if we had not got married, he would have still been like a brother to me. 

 

He proposed in January 2006 in London. We got married in December the same year. Somhow I knew he would be my husband. He kept telling me how special I was, how blessed he was to have me and how different I was from other girls. From an early age, I knew what I wanted in a man.

 

He was God-fearing, passionate about Christ, grounded, honest, loving and cherished me. He always thought that he did not deserve me and when I asked him who else did, he never had an answer. At the same time, he prayed that no one else would take me away from him.  

 

We had been married for only five years. I enjoyed my marriage to Paul as a person, companion, business partner, lover, and teacher. And, I was so sure I was going to enjoy him as a father to our baby Kisha. In 2007, I decided to quit formal employment. Many people did not understand my decision, but Paul did. 

 

He said he would support me in whichever way. I was able to do what I did because of his support. The two of us were a dream team. 

 

Our marriage was open – Paul was real. He did not apologise for his love for me. If he wanted to kiss me in public, he did; if he wanted to hold me, he would. 

 

We were able to overcome so much because of trust above all else. 

One very positive area in our life was finances. We shared everything. If I had sh1,000, I would give him sh500 and remain with sh500. When he had sh10,000, he would give me sh7,000 and remain with sh3,000. That was when we had little. Then God blessed us with more. He trusted me so much, he asked me to be his financial controller. That wowed me because men are usually seen as leaders in the homes. It was a gesture that said: “I will be open”.

 

Home was an open door. Paul was welcoming and through that, he taught me to be selfless and appreciate everyone who walked into our home. To Paul, it was important that if you could place a smile on someone’s face with something small, then so be it. 

 

He was so full of life. Whatever it took to have a wonderful experience, he would do it. We laughed, played, teased each other, fought and made up. He was not confrontational, unlike me. If I wanted to settle something, it would have to be there and then. We were determined every day to make our marriage work. “How can I love you better?” he always asked.

 Despite the sudden loss, Olivia is optimistic about the future

 

I conceived in September 2010 and found out while on a business trip to China. I spent my first trimester in China. The second trimester was in Uganda and then I travelled to the US at the end of my second trimester. He was to join me in April, which he did. We had Easter together. He began to complain of a headache and fatigue, which was expected because of the long journey and change of weather.

 

The headaches were persistent. So, we rushed to an emergency hospital, where we explained the symptoms, and that he had come from Africa. The doctors straight away suspected that he was suffering from a tropical disease like malaria. 

 

They carried out three to four malaria tests. In the meantime, they started him on quinine which he reacted to with nausea and short breaths. They quarantined us until they were sure we did not have any tropical disease. After two days, he was struggling to breathe on his own.

 

A scan showed a small shadow in his lungs. So, they wheeled us into the intensive care unit for a bioscopy. They said it would take two hours. I asked if he would wake up if they put him on a ventilator and there was silence in the room. After 10 seconds, they said they would induce him into a coma. They warned that it could take days, depending on how he reacted to the ventilator. 

 

Paul was devastated that he walked into the hospital alive and well and he would have to go through so much. I was very emotional, and with raging pregnancy hormones, I cried for 15 minutes. I could not speak. Paul held my hand and told me to be strong for him, for me and