So what if he is of a lowly class?

They say love is blind and this is one of the few cases where it does apply almost perfectly. Falling in love with someone who is not of your class is a no-go area for many women, but it does happen often and sometimes ends up in marriage, writes Michael Kanaabi

 

Patricia got married to a diplomat soon after she completed school. It was an arranged marriage between hers and Mr. Diplomat’s family. However, the diplomat’s work required a lot of travel and so he was overseas most of the time. In their home was a domestic servant, who was also the shamba boy. The two grew close, especially in Patricia’s husband’s absence and soon a love relationship blossomed.

 

“He had become my confidant, he understood my challenges and was loved by our children so when my relationship with my husband hit rock bottom, he was the one comforting me and we grew intimate as a result. Although my parents, relatives and friends never approved of it, my husband’s absence just made the relationship thrive. ”

 

Barbara, an IT consultant, also fell in love with a man who was below her class. “It started at my former workplace where we used to work under a lot of pressure and hardly had time to do anything except execute the boss’ orders and finish clients’ work on time.

 

In the midst of this stress, we had office assistants to help us, but most of them were rude and demanded money for their services. However, one particular assistant stood out, he diligently helped us without asking for money and turned out to be kind as well, so I got interested in him.

 

A time came when I could not hold back any longer and asked him out for the first date. One thing led to another and we are now a couple, although I moved on to work in another firm. 

 

Age is one of the key factors, according to Anita Karugaba, a psychologist. “In many cases they take place at a woman’s critical time of her reproductive life, especially when the clock is ticking and no serious suitor seems to be coming her way yet there is this one person in her vicinity who can serve the purpose in spite of the fact that he is nowhere near her in terms of status and class,” she says.

 

According to Karugaba, when a woman has been disappointed a number of times by the men of her so-called class and she happens to fall for someone who is not of her class and the attraction grows into a few dates then a serious relationship could develop considering she wants to avoid ‘the class demons’ she has battled in the previous love relationships.  

 

Sometimes a guy has a good personality that is just irresistible, so a woman dates him and eventually sticks with him.   

Intimacy is also a big issue, psychologist Karugaba adds. She says that it is so because some couples that look good together may be having a horrible sex life. In case they break up or the woman has a fling that turns out to be sexually satisfying, she might never look back whether the man she is running to is a wheelbarrow pusher or chapatti maker. 

 

In some cases there is a big distance between a woman and her spouse. The result is that the woman could grow fonder of the man who is closer to her, be it the shamba boy or houseboy to take over Karugaba adds. 

 

Some men are smart and can maintain appearances of a status which is above what they really are. Josephine, a banker, who recently broke up with her fiancée of five years says she fell for the man he was pretending to be. She moved in with him and they had a daughter. And that is when Josephine realised that her fiancée was not who he said he was. 

 

This relationship could also thrive easily if the class and status gap between the woman and man is not that big. For example, if the man is subordinate to the woman in a company, in case they are both in private business, but the woman has bigger business or if they both have jobs and the woman simply earns more money than the man. 

And the pitfalls are...

 

With everything looking great in your new relationship and you are finally outside the untold suffering and torture of your previous relationship, the excitement is over the moon and if the intimacy is fulfilling and it looks like you have it all right until you realise there are big challenges ahead if this relationship is to stand the test of time. 

 

Considering who you are whether it’s your job, your family background or just the size of your pay cheque that might be too big, it could soon turn into a bone in the flesh of your relationship leaving your new sweetheart feeling inferior according to Joan Mubezi, a counsellor.    

 

Apart from having to nurse your man’s ego and prop it up, Mubezi says that you will also have to deal with the negative ‘public opinion’ you will get from friends and relatives to whoever knows your romance. 

 

Mubezi adds chances are high your man will be left feeling out of place when you meet people of your status and class whether in your office, family or friends party since he is from a ‘different’ world. This will be same case with you when you are around his people so you have to keep making adjustments.

 

While things might be looking all rosy, if the feeling of being inferior is not dealt with amicably on your man’s side, counsellor M