Black Edition- Hater!

By Brian Abong
I don’t know if it’s a little late for this but I want a piece of the action. Forgive my lateness; I had more pressing issues like finding my neighbour’s charger before he reported me to the LC1.

So let’s get things rolling shall we? I just love saying shall we, so once more, shall we? Firstly, I once bought that bird a drink at Rouge. Ok, it was a friend of mine who did, but I’ll still take some credit for being around. Kati , now that I have enforced my celebrity status, I have to preserve it by disassociating myself completely from the entity that is Bad Black by properly hating on her.

If I don’t do a good enough job, please try and sue me, you’ll lose all your meager pocket money and then some. Firstly, the bird didn’t even finish the drink yet it was of the brand that Golola kicked out of Uganda.

By the way, Golola, I can’t wait for your speech when that Hungarian chap mixes you. Watch this space, I predict mob stuff and they come true for example; at some point during this article I’ll be back on Bad Black’s case (I think its metallic by the way).

Kati Black, your name sucks mob. If no one was brave enough to tell you in person, now you know. Your name is the kind of thing newly-invented chemical weapons are named after and hurricanes too. Ok, I know hurricanes tend to have nice names, but imagine turning on the news and Hurricane Nalukenge is approaching the Gulf of Mexico. Wouldn’t that scare the Namuyiima out of you? Case closed.

Then there is this whole age issue. I know being a chic and all, she has to lie about her age, but sincerely, does that chic look 22 to you? If she is 22, I seriously hope in a year’s time, when I am her age, I look nothing like her, Amen.

You see, lying requires a certain level of intellect, which I am confident Black lacks. The number one rule to lying is that it should be believable with no obvious evidence (like stretch marks around Black’s eyes) to prove otherwise.

Does she think we are in P.7? By the way, while we are on the subject, you primary leavers. If your parents ask you what you want if you score aggregate 4, tell them you want to meet the Hater. Trust me, it’s a worthy investment.

My tips will help you sail through high school so fast Hollywood will make a fast and furious movie based on you starring me. Note the word investment; my services aint free, so make sure inflation doesn’t feature in your vocabulary.