Help, my man is a thief

I was in a relationship with Matthew for 10 years. During our early years in marriage, I thought I was the luckiest woman since all seemed to be working out well. I lived in a good house, had whatever I wanted, my children were healthy and my husband was prosperous, but little did I know the wealth was ill-gotten. 

 

Before our luxurious wedding, I thought Matthew was an accountant, but after five years of our marriage, I got suspicious of what he did for a living. He frequently spent the whole day at home sleeping and stepped out at night, allegedly to go to work. 

 

I asked him why he worked night shifts only. He said he was a manager in one of the casinos in Kampala and often returned home at 3:00am. 

 

One day, he returned home with a lorry full of new and old fridges, furniture, TV sets, flat iron. I questioned him and he furiously responded that he had started up a new business and shipped new and old electronics from abroad. 

 

That response was good enough for me because I believed he was honourable man. However, my suspicions were awakened eight months later when he threatened to beat me and the children if we went near the servants’ quarters, leaving me wondering what he was hiding.  

 

I talked to my aunt who confirmed my suspicions that my husband could be a thief. She advised me to talk to the authorities. I told her I would not dare because he was the father of my children and I could not imagine the embarrassment that would follow.

 

Two months later as I was watching news with the children, my husband’s picture was shown and the report was that he had been shot dead with three other men in a robbery. We became a laughing stock, neighbours taunted my children saying they were bound to become thieves like their father. I was forced to sell my home and move to another town where no one knew what had happened because I was fed-up of the residents’ insults. 

 

Mirembe is not alone. There are many other women whose husbands have gotten rich by stealing from the organisations where they work. And the media has in the recent past been awash with incidents of men stealing money from their workplaces. 

 

Sarah Kirabo, an accountant says most corporate men do not use their hands to steal money, but use their mind to accumulate wealth. “Some women often force their partners to be criminals to enable them lead the high life and make big business investments, which their partners cannot afford, the end result is theft,” she says. 

Kirabo says such women remain silent when they discover their partners are thieves. 

 

According to Grace Nakitto, a marital coach, most women who want to lead the high life cannot reveal that their partners are criminals, since they are afraid of living in poverty. 

 

Wilber Karugahe, a counselling psychologist at Kyambogo University, explains that in most cases, due to lack of open communication, some people are not aware that their partners are criminals. 

 

“If the wife is aware that her husband is stealing his company’s money, she may not disclose it because she does not want to put herself in harm’s way,” says Karugahe. 

 

Karugahe recommends spouses who are married to criminals to persuade their partners to seek professional counselling from experts to help them change their behaviour, they should also confide in their trusted friends or elders  to help them overcome their bad habit.  

 

Though such cases are rare, Karugahe says, “If your wife is bold and a genuine Christian, she can report to the company where her husband works that he is a thief provided she has the evidence. If it is a good company, it will negotiate with the wife on behalf of her husband to refund all what he took from them depending on the company policy.”

 

“It depends on an individual because many reasons may make it difficult for a woman to reveal that her husband is a thief, for example, if he is the sole bread winner in the family.

 

Therefore, most women would conceal the evidence provided they are living a comfortable life,” explains Joseph Musaalo, a counselling psychologist at Mukono Christian University. 

 

However, in cases where the husband is violent, has a gun and often beats the children, it is advisable to report him to the authorities immediately, lest he kills you when you threaten to report him. 

 

“Find a calm moment and talk to your husband first before you share your thoughts with another person. However, if he is hot-tempered and brushes it off, seek help from his elders and professional counsellors,” advises Musaalo. 

 

Mark Kigozi, a pastor at Life Ministry Church, Kireka believes that women of integrity should tell the authorities the moment they realise their partners are criminals. However, if a couple is still dating, they should endeavour to find out what your partner does exactly before getting married to him.