Should I go on with a boyfriend who is 5 years younger than me?
Sep 27, 2011
Dear Counsellor<br>I’m deeply in love with a student who is 20 years old. I’m older than him by five years. He loves me deeply because not a single day goes by without him calling me or sending a text message.
Dear Counsellor
I’m deeply in love with a student who is 20 years old. I’m older than him by five years. He loves me deeply because not a single day goes by without him calling me or sending a text message. His uncle, who is not aware of our age difference, supports our relationship and talks of helping us formalise our relationship, if we truly love each other. However, I’m afraid that my boyfriend’s family may not accept me because I’m older than him.
Should I stay with him or leave him before his relatives advise him to leave me?
Fatuma
Don’t let your fears hinder you
Dear Fatuma,
It all begins and ends with the both of you.
It sounds like the guy is more into you than you are into him or may be it is just the way you put it across.
Are you comfortable going on with this relationship and willing to stand by it at all costs? What other people think is not what is important, what matters is what the two of you think and believe.
It would be wise for you to talk through your fears with your boyfriend so that you are both on the same page.
If you both believe in this relationship, you should be able to stick with it to the end.
Do not let your fears get ahead of you, live each day as it comes and enjoy the joys this relationship has to offer.
I wish you all the best.
Noeline Kirabo Mulongo
Age is no reason to leave him
Dear Fatuma,
What matters most is that you love each other. Therefore, age difference is no excuse to leave him. If he loves you and is willing to settle with you, then go ahead and be with him and with time his relatives will have to accept his decision. This might take time, so you need to be patient.
Best of luck,
Tinah, MUK
Age is just a number
Dear Fatuma,
The fact that you have doubts renders the relationship lame! This relationship is between you two, his uncle, auntie, father, mother will only support or denounce the affair, but you two are the engine.
Many couples use age as a determinant factor in a relationship, but it is only a number and does not tally with one’s ability to reason or behave. Why do you have to mention your age, don’t you realise it has become a thorn in your decisions?
Do not be fooled also, that his messages indicate love. Consider and gauge what is in the messages, being older should not make you the beggar in this! If you see a future in each other, why not! If you look at successful marriages, I doubt whether age has had a role to play, but rather commitment to each other.
Your only concern could have been the fact that he is still a student.
Charles Kyalema,
Busega
Love, not age is key
Dear Fatuma,
Age should not be an obstacle to your relationship. What matters is love if you truly love each other just go ahead.
Christine Nnanyonjo,
Kampala
Follow your heart
Dear Fatuma,
If you really love him, follow your heart. Because the “heart wants what the heart wants†and relatives’ words can never change that fact. After all, they have always talked about our wives from centuries, but they still remain ours.
Jonathan Mbuga
You aren’t ready for that relationship
Dear Fatuma,
The age gap between the two of you should not be an issue.
There is no cultural and traditional right or wrong answer to this. This all has to do with preference and how well you get along with each other. It may not be anyone’s business for people to tell others who to be with or how old their partners should be. You cannot help who you fall in love with and if you are happy that is all that should matter. If relatives and well-wishers care about you, then they will want what makes both of you happy. Prove to your future in-laws that despite the age gap, you are in it for real commitment.
Secondly, I hope you are not his teacher, as this will not reflect well on you in terms of keeping your professionalism separate from pleasure. And you know the consequences of abusing a position.
The only problem you may encounter is when your maturity is not compatible with his child-like reasoning and emotional maturity. You may be teased by people for stealing from the cradle, but at the end of the day “happiness will not be measured in yearsâ€.
A simple rule of the thumb, if you care what outsiders think, you are too immature for the relationship no matter how old you are.
Reflect and make your final decision based on what your student lover thinks.
Good luck.
Eve, USA
Her Vision readers tell us what they think
Stella Alum, a sales representative
Five years is not a big difference. Stay with him if you are sure he will not drop you and will not listen to his relative’s advice against you. Formalise your relationship. Who knows, his relatives might accept you in the future.
Lotai Apa, a mechanic
Age does not matter if you love each other. Do not listen to what the rest of his family will say, the support from your boyfriend and his uncle is enough, go on and formalise your relationship.
Mary Kyakuwadde, a social worker
Stay with your boyfriend if you love him. You can also discuss with him and his uncle and confess to him your age, but if his family reacts negatively, look for another man because you cannot be happy with him if his relatives do not support you.
Nelson Odwong,
a quantitative surveyor
Age does not matter. Go on with the relationship if age is your only worry. Although some family members will resist your relationship, others will support you.
Samson Wanjala, a businessman
Your relationship is doomed to fail because your boyfriend is too psychologically immature to formalise the relationship. Look for an older man because if you insist on staying with him he might get tired of you and go for a youn
I’m deeply in love with a student who is 20 years old. I’m older than him by five years. He loves me deeply because not a single day goes by without him calling me or sending a text message. His uncle, who is not aware of our age difference, supports our relationship and talks of helping us formalise our relationship, if we truly love each other. However, I’m afraid that my boyfriend’s family may not accept me because I’m older than him.
Should I stay with him or leave him before his relatives advise him to leave me?
Fatuma
Don’t let your fears hinder you
Dear Fatuma,
It all begins and ends with the both of you.
It sounds like the guy is more into you than you are into him or may be it is just the way you put it across.
Are you comfortable going on with this relationship and willing to stand by it at all costs? What other people think is not what is important, what matters is what the two of you think and believe.
It would be wise for you to talk through your fears with your boyfriend so that you are both on the same page.
If you both believe in this relationship, you should be able to stick with it to the end.
Do not let your fears get ahead of you, live each day as it comes and enjoy the joys this relationship has to offer.
I wish you all the best.
Noeline Kirabo Mulongo
Age is no reason to leave him
Dear Fatuma,
What matters most is that you love each other. Therefore, age difference is no excuse to leave him. If he loves you and is willing to settle with you, then go ahead and be with him and with time his relatives will have to accept his decision. This might take time, so you need to be patient.
Best of luck,
Tinah, MUK
Age is just a number
Dear Fatuma,
The fact that you have doubts renders the relationship lame! This relationship is between you two, his uncle, auntie, father, mother will only support or denounce the affair, but you two are the engine.
Many couples use age as a determinant factor in a relationship, but it is only a number and does not tally with one’s ability to reason or behave. Why do you have to mention your age, don’t you realise it has become a thorn in your decisions?
Do not be fooled also, that his messages indicate love. Consider and gauge what is in the messages, being older should not make you the beggar in this! If you see a future in each other, why not! If you look at successful marriages, I doubt whether age has had a role to play, but rather commitment to each other.
Your only concern could have been the fact that he is still a student.
Charles Kyalema,
Busega
Love, not age is key
Dear Fatuma,
Age should not be an obstacle to your relationship. What matters is love if you truly love each other just go ahead.
Christine Nnanyonjo,
Kampala
Follow your heart
Dear Fatuma,
If you really love him, follow your heart. Because the “heart wants what the heart wants†and relatives’ words can never change that fact. After all, they have always talked about our wives from centuries, but they still remain ours.
Jonathan Mbuga
You aren’t ready for that relationship
Dear Fatuma,
The age gap between the two of you should not be an issue.
There is no cultural and traditional right or wrong answer to this. This all has to do with preference and how well you get along with each other. It may not be anyone’s business for people to tell others who to be with or how old their partners should be. You cannot help who you fall in love with and if you are happy that is all that should matter. If relatives and well-wishers care about you, then they will want what makes both of you happy. Prove to your future in-laws that despite the age gap, you are in it for real commitment.
Secondly, I hope you are not his teacher, as this will not reflect well on you in terms of keeping your professionalism separate from pleasure. And you know the consequences of abusing a position.
The only problem you may encounter is when your maturity is not compatible with his child-like reasoning and emotional maturity. You may be teased by people for stealing from the cradle, but at the end of the day “happiness will not be measured in yearsâ€.
A simple rule of the thumb, if you care what outsiders think, you are too immature for the relationship no matter how old you are.
Reflect and make your final decision based on what your student lover thinks.
Good luck.
Eve, USA
Her Vision readers tell us what they think
Stella Alum, a sales representative
Five years is not a big difference. Stay with him if you are sure he will not drop you and will not listen to his relative’s advice against you. Formalise your relationship. Who knows, his relatives might accept you in the future.
Lotai Apa, a mechanic
Age does not matter if you love each other. Do not listen to what the rest of his family will say, the support from your boyfriend and his uncle is enough, go on and formalise your relationship.
Mary Kyakuwadde, a social worker
Stay with your boyfriend if you love him. You can also discuss with him and his uncle and confess to him your age, but if his family reacts negatively, look for another man because you cannot be happy with him if his relatives do not support you.
Nelson Odwong,
a quantitative surveyor
Age does not matter. Go on with the relationship if age is your only worry. Although some family members will resist your relationship, others will support you.
Samson Wanjala, a businessman
Your relationship is doomed to fail because your boyfriend is too psychologically immature to formalise the relationship. Look for an older man because if you insist on staying with him he might get tired of you and go for a youn