Term limits in marriage

By Deo Tumusiime

AGE LIMIT

So much has been talked of Presidential term limits, but how would the rest of us react if this term limitation barrel were turned towards our very own institutions, notably marriage?

Yes, we may argue that marriage is a different thing altogether and that God said we should stay together till death do us part; but truth is that God never said anything like that.

Instead, this human arrangement was preferred with a view that two people sharing a marriage relationship, would be determined to hold onto each other for a lifetime, largely for the greater good. In reality though, a lot of people wish to call it off along the way, but due to social pressure and lack of a clear exit strategy, some are forced to live a lifetime of misery, though majority would opt to soldier on with the devil they know than a new angel they know not about!

Marriage traditionally is seen as an institution where two people leave their parents' home and come together to start a family. The resulting children are often seen to cement the relationship. The concept of love in a marriage affair stands out very significantly, though arguably, this word called love is one of the most abused of all words in the world. I have intimated before and wish to reiterate, that to love your spouse, DOES NOT mean you cannot love someone else.

If love resides on our hearts, then you and I know so well that our hearts have insurmountable room, a million times too big to be filled by a single person called husband or wife and children combined.

That's why along our life's journey, we meet new people and some end up getting really close (Which should be a good thing for heaven's sake).

As the married couple meets and interacts with other people out there, many often get stuck with the fact that one can fall in love all over again. And as the hype of wedding starts to calm down reality sets in.

Years down the road, some people get to realise that actually the man or woman to whom they swore "I do", was actually the wrong one. Some relationships have turned out too irreparable that divorce becomes an unavoidable destiny, and some people that once called each other "Sweetheart, honey" and all sorts of sweet nothings, ended up with permanent physical damage.

I know a number of friends that have shared their experiences in marriage and their stories are so unbelievable for couples that hosted multitudes on their wedding day, and seemed to have coined out a stable family. "He kicked me and I had a miscarriage; he raped me; he brought other women in our home; he fathered a child with my best friend; she cheated on me with her boss; our second child is for another man; he turned into a drunko; he threatened to shoot me in front of my children; she won't allow me have sex with her at all"….These and even worse stories are a reality in our society.

I could understand the avalanche of benefits that accrue to a lifetime shared with a spouse, more so in as far as the resulting children growing up in company of father and mother is concerned. Certainly if you have amassed wealth with your spouse, you would not easily let another fellow enjoy the fruits of your sweat.

The church promise of "What God has put together, bla bla bla", has often suffered the most, because people get to discover that reality is worlds apart from the imaginations intoned in church. Indeed a lot of people struggle copping up in times of poverty and ill health and abuse….which is only but understandable. And while the golden trophy would go to those that sail through the storms to the finish line, many surrender unceremoniously along the way and the hurt involved for some, lasts a lifetime.

Well, well, on the political scene in Uganda, many people have for years been up in arms protesting against the notion of limitless presidential terms. And as if loss of this battle wasn't enough, now they might have to put up with the same old spouse for a lifetime.

"Old is gold" goes an old adage, but perhaps yes, perhaps not.

Politicians would fight for years over this.

On the marriage front, so happens that the candle at times flickers so badly, causing too much misery. Complacency is usually a contributing factor. Nothing new to celebrate. We end up forgetting that the spouse we trash, could be someone else' choicest, yet we never let them be.

So, why not introduce term limits so that once you are fed up with your spouse, either of you could walk out by mutual consent without the hurtful drama akin to many split-ups? There could even be provisions for periodic marital contract renewal based on clearly agreed parameters or even second term much later in life. This way, couples really do not have to struggle too hard to badly break up as if the love inter-alia professed was just a joke.

After all, many couples out there maintain side relations-why not then make it all official? I believe this would also error out the notion of cheating, because then the potential cheat-mate could be asked to wait for his or her turn. Partners would also have the impetus to work extra hard to secure term renewal---some kind of purpose for existence. And those living in hell of marriage, do not have to die in perpetual misery as they can walk away to a new lease of life; while those enjoying blissful relationship can push on and on. Life is lived once, and for that matter, everyone deserves to live happy, whatever it takes.

The writer is a communications consultant