Parenting:Break the habit of yelling

By Philomena Matsiko

“Some children tend to be big headed, so at times you are forced to yell at them even when you don’t intend to and surprisingly they usually behave appropriately after yelling at them.” Said Miss Maria Nantume a mother of 2.

 And when asked if she would continue yelling at them whenever in wrong she disagreed because she did not think it was the right way to communicate to children in wrong.

Communication as a matter of fact is very vital between parents and children in families during various instances especially in cases where the children are in wrong.

It is on this special note that screaming and yelling from the parents comes in. It is prescribed normal for every human being to get annoyed sometimes mostly when it comes to parents at their own children.

“My children usually upset me when they do certain things that I don’t approve however, as a parent I try so hard not to scream at them because they usually copy what I do” says Mr. Felix Aine a father of 3.

In several cases, children at all stages get caught up in bad and unacceptable behaviour and they need to be corrected or even punished where need be. In such situations, parents get overshadowed by the immediately generated anger so they scream or yell.

They react out of rage,  an action that is not morally right in the field of parenting 

Why some some parents scream at their cildren
Various reasons are usually held accountable for this condition amongst parents: stress, frustration and anxiety.

Those are also backed up by poor anger management skills amongst the parents because they tend to completely forget that the age group of people they are dealing with is very sensitive , sentimental and vulnerable.

In addition, this may be brought about by the parent’s silence over the child’s past mistakes.

Dangers of yelling at children

“When parents yell at their children, they are unnoticeably distancing themselves from them because children cannot open up in any situation because their emotions are hurt and they become loners something that drags down their self-esteem,” said Jane Namulindwa, a counsellor and psychologist in early childhood development.

Whereas parents may think that this is an effective way of letting children realize their mistakes and correct them, they’re instead getting the whole point of punishment wrong.

Yelling and screaming have negative impact on children depending on their stages of growth.

Amongst very young children, it leads to high levels of insecurity and hatred towards the screaming parents because they do not see any love being shown to them through screaming at them.

Amongst the teenagers, it may lead to stubbornness portrayed through talking back at the parent, continuously and intentionally making the same mistake that is being condemned.

Experts view
“Communication between mother and child is very important right from the stage where the child is still in the womb. 

The stress experienced by a pregnant mother through factors like abusive husbands also affects the unborn child and this is reflected in the child’s later stages,” said  doctor Phionah Nansubuga a paediatrician at Naguru referral hospital.

She also emphasized that when children are born they pick a lot from their environment verbally and physically, therefore parents ought to watch out on how and what they say to their children because it later affects their self-esteem.

Nansubuga advised parents to know how to punish their children appropriately depending on the nature of their character and to understand those characters they need to create time for their children.

It is in such cases that parents need to revise their ways of communicating to children caught in wrong.

According Nansubuga,  to talking to children calmly but with parental authority does wonders as a lot of emphasis is put on the right thing to do and through this the child is opened up to the reality of his or her wrong deed and gets to know of how to correct it.

This also makes it possible for the parent to know why the child acted the way he did. However this comes at a cost of parents being able to manage their anger maturely.

Even after yelling, it does not cost a parent anything to accept mistake and apologize to the child.
This saves the bond between parents and children and perhaps strengthens it further because through this, children feel loved enormously and parents get peace of mind.

The children also learn from parents when it comes to handling their own issues in the future.

Facts about yelling
•    It is habitual

•    Affects a child’s sense of self-worth both in childhood and adulthood

•    Yelling alongside rage is linked to heart disease (anger produces direct physiological effects on the heart and arteries)