The art of faking it

By Dennis Asiimwe

The women’s liberation movement which spread its roots in the early ‘70s, took hold of societal ground in the ‘80s, flourished in the ‘90s and started being questioned at the turn of the century, has been accredited with many things.

Some positive things did come out of it of course: sexual liberation of women (and yes, this DID come with its own baggage), greater access of women to the right to vote, property rights, increased access to the work place, as well as an ability to have greater control over their financial affairs.

Naturally, the women’s liberation movement had some negative traits too; the list is long, tedious, and one that society tends to find politically incorrect to mention.

I don’t feel restrained by these shackles, so (*deep breaths now*), said list includes: a tendency towards entitlement, an inability to take the consequences of their actions, and the belief that faking an orgasm is a good idea. Yeah, that.

It’s something of an absurd contradiction, because if the women’s lib prided itself on helping women discover their sexuality, and essentially made the female orgasm a human right of sorts, on which plane of logic does faking an orgasm suddenly seem like a good idea?

 And yet it seems to be a recurring theme from ‘liberated women’ (not all, of course).

“You had no idea I was faking it! Serves you right!” screams the harpy that used to be a delectable thing that looked gentler than marmalade.

This kind of conversation usually occurs in the early hours of a breakup, and can be quite interesting to listen in to (and easy to listen in to as well; when a girl announces that she was faking it, she usually wants the world to know, and makes it a LOUD announcement).

Of course, faking it can have practical benefits for a woman. She could be in the kind of quid pro quo relationship where she benefits significantly in material terms (hard cash, credit cards, electronic gadgets) and is not really attracted to the poor sap she’s fooling.

She could be really into the guy, see a rosy future with him, but find that he simply doesn’t get sparks flying (her sparks at least) and prefer to keep him believing she does, because she doesn’t want to hurt him; She could be frigid, with the sexual libido of a window pane (it happens sometimes) and be pretending to be a fiery little minx because she is scared of boring her lover, whom she wants to hold on to; There are lots of reasons, seemingly practical ones in fact, that would explain why women fake orgasms. There is only one problem: they don’t make sense.

See, being sexually liberated means that more and more women KNOW what they want sexually. As a result of this, more and more women actually do achieve orgasm in their various interactions with men.

Also, more and more men try to ensure women do achieve orgasm; it’s become a sort of badge of pride, and because more men are trying harder, more women are achieving these once seemingly elusive things.

The end result of all this is that more and more men have actually brought a woman to orgasm. Now, there is a wonderful difference between someone faking it, and someone actually achieving an orgasm.

It’s huge, and when a man actually pulls off this happy miracle for a woman, he mentally stores it almost reflexively. Orgasms for women are maniacal events, a far FAR cry from the same experience for men, which are comparatively mundane.

So, if you are a female trying to fake it around your man, chances are that he has seen the real thing before; chances are, also, that he will not be fooled; not for one minute.

It’s just NOT the same thing. I often watch in amazement while an irate adult female says snidely “You guys can never tell when we are faking it…” Are you insane? Of course men can tell. Here’s what happens: they go ahead and let you think they are buying it.

Consider this example before you start getting your weaves in an indignant twist: you run a restaurant. You are the chef and owner. You know your food is not amazing; you know the service is mediocre and the décor sucks.

Yet every day, you have this group of customers that keeps coming to your restaurant, ordering food, paying for it, tipping the lousy waiters, complimenting your cooking to the rooftops, and leaving with dumb smiles on their faces.

Now you KNOW your food is blasé; you have eaten food in restaurants that blew your mind. Yet these folks keep coming to your place, and keep singing your praises, and keep paying. Will you put a stop to it? Oh hell no!

You won’t try to figure out what the heck motivates them, that’s THEIR problem; as long as they keep paying, you are okay.

As long as you get yours, so to speak. That is exactly how men treat women that fake orgasms; they can tell what’s going on, though they can’t explain it. As long as they get their own orgasm, well… who cares, really?

There is one thing to be said in defence of women out there that don’t bother with faking orgasms (and should not be included in the unruly bunch that actually DO fake). See, most women that fake orgasms have never actually had one.

It’s the reason they believe they can pull it off ; because they haven’t experienced the real thing, so they are silly enough to think they can imitate the real thing (like an idiot that thinks he can fake an epileptic fi t around a doctor).

A woman who’s had the real thing will not bother with faking; it seems like a lot of hard work, and will not get her anywhere.

What she will do, when you turn to her like an idiot and ask: “How was it for you, honey?” is smile and say gently: “Let’s just cuddle.” That should be a warning flag to you to up your game, and then some, son.