Talking did the trick

 

 

He had gone up the tree house, yet he was not allowed to go there. He had also beaten the children in the tree house and resisted punishment. 

 

As we drove home that day, I felt helpless. This was the third complaint in a row that we had got from our son’s teachers. I desperately needed help and perhaps a magical formula that could transform my son's behaviour.

 

This set me searching frantically for help. I was in full-time journalism then, so I approached my supervisor who had raised three sons, successfully, I might add. 

 

She advised me to talk to my son the way I would with a friend who has hurt me. How would a five-year-old understand the way an adult does? I wondered. But I went ahead and held a private talk with my son, where I firmly but gently explained the repercussions of bad behaviour. 

 

The advice my former supervisor gave me that day has forever remained relevant. It is a principle I have used with each of my children from the time they were two years old. 

 

Much as children’s reasoning capacity is immature, it is amazing how quickly they understand an issue once it is explained to them.  

 

That day after having a talk with my five-year-old, I explained to him the consequences of such behaviour. He did not change in one day as we got other cases to sort out at school. However, it was the beginning of a parenting journey where I have learnt be in control without creating fear, terror or bruises. 

 

The policy has been and will always be talk through issues. Even when a punishment has to be administered, there is always a discussion on why it has to be done. 

 

Barking orders at children is far from desirable as a parenting style. They will heed to a parent’s commands when young, but as they grow older, children will defy such orders, making a parent go nuts. 

 

Talk through issues with your children, explain to them the consequences of their behaviour and punish them only after talking through issues.