trueNot long ago, a woman collapsed dead after finding her husband in the arms of there housemaid. She is not alone. Lovers have split and families have broken up as a result of some men not knowing there boundaries, writes Carol Natukunda
The house was locked. She could hear her baby crying from inside. She called out to the maid in vain. Panicking, she picked up the phone to call her husband, but he was not picking up. Than, she noticed her husband’s car parked somewhere in the backyard. It seemed to be shaking.
No, actually jolting up and down. Than on moving closer, she saw it all — her husband having sex with the maid in the car! She collapsed.
And a day later, died. Doctors said she had suffered a heart attack. Hard to believe? This is a true story that happened earlier this year. A close friend of the deceased narrated this emotion-filled story on the popular Facebook forum for Ugandan mothers – Beautiful Modern Mamas.
Everyone commented with anger and disbelief. “Shoot that guy dead,” one said. “But how can a man be so cheap?” many asked. Housemaids — God bless them – do nearly everything for us. They cook, do laundry and clean our homes. But lately, they seem to be getting to know even some of our deepest secrets in the house, including your man’s boxers.
There is also the story of Jeff. Unknown to his wife, he was having an affair with his maid, Kate, for a long time. But Kate did not know how to report the matter to “madam” for fear of the unknown. So she kept the undesirable secret.
One fateful day, Jeff’s wife decided to clean up the house since she was on her annual leave, only to find two used condoms and a pair of knickers under there marital bed.
“How did these things get under my bed?” She fumed at her maid. “How?” And to her greatest surprise, the maid began to weep and confessed everything. Jeff’s wife was confused as she listened. “Is this true? My husband and this girl? Am I dreaming? All these years?”
She slapped her maid and asked her to leave immediately. She swore never to confront her husband about the issue. He never even asked why the maid had left, but guilt was written all over his face. Needless to say, there relationship is on the rocks. Outside, they are your ordinary lovey-dovey couple keeping up appearances for the sake of the children. However, back home, they do not even share a bed.
For Anne, a doctor, who sometimes goes on night shift, her husband’s affair with the maid was the last thing she expected.
How did she fi nd out? On this fateful night — luckily or unluckily for her, she had forgotten her surgical set, so she decided to drive back home. It was almost midnight and she thought that her hubby was already sleeping. She tapped the door twice. No response.
She opened the door with her own keys and went straight to the bedroom, but couldn’t fi nd her husband. So, she decided to check in other rooms and found him in the arms of there maid. Nude. Peacefully enjoying the night!
Why go in for a maid?
Men claim that women today are not being wives. Career women, they say, have become so distant and aggressive that they have become a turn off to men. “She denies you sex, she is moody and does not talk to you. So, you look for pleasure elsewhere,” says Wilfred, a father of two. He confesses that he does not even remember the last time he kissed his wife, because “She is never there”.
“When she is around, she claims she had a difficult day and she is tired. And what do I do when I have a woman under my roof — whether she is a maid or not?”
For Lawrence, an accountant, it is to do with the fact that the maid was doing all the chores and serving him the best meals just in time.
“She was in the kitchen; she ironed my clothes, bathed the children and polished my shoes. The few times she went away, say for sick-leave or to spend Christmas with her family members, my wife never did all that for me or attended to my needs,” says Lawrence.
What would you do?
Would you chase away the maid?
Would you report her to the Police?
Several women speak with anger, but in reality, none of them is sure of what to do.
“I would collapse,” says one Patricia, shaking her head “I would kill somebody!”
She is, however, quick to say she could perhaps also revenge. “Tit-fortat. If you can sleep with a maid, than you can possibly sleep with anyone. So I would also start dating someone else, even when we are still living together, to hurt you.”
But Thereza, a 30-year-old lawyer, also says she would quickly leave the house.
“What are the chances he will not do it again? I cannot leave my career to please the man by doing all the housework. If I return home very tired, than help me do the chores, so we can both have an intimate time. We both work, so we both get tired. I am not a machine!”
Thereza says she would chase the maid, but keep her hubby for the sake of the children. “If there are no children, I would go away and start a new life,” she says.
Josiah Muwanga, a psychologist with Life Ministries Kiwatule, agrees that housemaids are a big threat to marriage lately.
He says cases of men sleeping with there housemaids are on the rise, and five out of 10 infidelity cases he has dealt with involve a maid. He says these women are often younger and stylish, and struggling with financial issues.
“The maid is looking after herself and her body, while most women tend to ignore there appearance the moment they get married. Someone is minding there grooming during dating, but after they get married, they dress shabbily, they do not mind there looks,” says Muwanga.
“On the other hand, your husband is doing well fi nancially. He has the muscle to lure her to bed,” he adds.
He explains that naturally, men use there masculinity to prey on the maids. “The girl will not say no, because there is this whole issue that women must be submissive. Plus, she is attracted to money and the allure of sleeping with her boss’ husband,” says Muwanga.
He adds that the biggest mistake couples make is to involve the maid in there personal fights and quarrels by, for example, complaining to the maid about the wife or the husband.
“Let there be a boundary. As couples, know that marriage works like courtship. If you do not create time for each other or do things to please each other, than it will fail.”
What do you think?