Is faith an obstacle to marriage?

 

Have you heard of the phrase “church guys are slow” or “church babes are very slow?”

It is said “better the devil you know than the angel you do not know.” 

 

However, as we might have noticed, the world seems to be full of irony. One would expect a young devout lady bred in church to settle with a young well groomed Christian gentleman. The reverse turns out to be true. 

 

For example, there are many divorces today, but that does not necessarily mean that marriage comprises more unhappiness. Most people believe that a happy marriage is handed out as a gift on the wedding day. Notably, it is a natural tendency of human beings to strive to change each other. 

 

The Venusians believe they can change a man to suit their situations. Solomon, one of the wisest kings, said in Proverbs 21:6 that train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he may not depart from it. 

 

Therefore, you cannot bend an old plant, it will definitely break. This could be one of the reasons there are short-lived Christian marriages.

 

Today’s church girls tend to date, court and marry men out of church. On the other hand, the ladies outside church, too, are streaming for the guys in church.

 

The probable reason for the latter could be the need to genuinely feel loved and cherished.

“I cannot date a guy who is not from church because we are not compatible,” says Susan Adikini, a second year bachelor of community psychology student at Makerere University.

 

 “Our values and interests are different. I may want to go to church, for overnight prayers yet he wishes us to go clubbing, to drink or even accompany him for his smoking sprees,” she adds.

 

Unlike Adikini, Bernadette Asio, also a student, observes that “some church guys are slow. They are not romantic in any way and over spiritualise relationships.”   

 

First of all, these gents and ladies spend more time together at church and in church activities like Bible studies, choir practices and in the cells.

 

That is reason enough for them to know each other and, thus create mutual friendships that might result in successful marriages. 

 

However, it is a general tendency for church flock to take each other for granted. This way, no romance and love is genuinely expressed.  Subsequently, feelings are hurt and initially the happy dating ‘brother’ and ‘sister’ slide into a cats-and-dogs relationship. 

 

The lonely broken hearts then generalise their nasty experiences, finding themselves vulnerable to the majority unsaved Christians. 

 

On the other hand, a young lady would look for solace in a young Christian man because of the disappointment she might have faced, or to escape a bitter dark past. 

 

Racheal Nuwagaba, a marital therapist and marriage counsellor makes it clear: 

“The interpretation that some church guys are slow is that some church guys do not romance with their ladies.” 

 

“However, it is okay for the guys and ladies to relate and still maintain their virginity,” she advises. 

Therefore, it is appropriate to inculcate into young people the benefits of being trustworthy. The essence of different faiths and beliefs in regard to marriage should be emphasised.  

 

Furthermore, competence and    identity–knowing one self before engaging in a relationship without losing your “self” is crucial. 

 

Lastly, the values and upbringing that have nurtured young people should guide them, without forgetting their religious backgrounds. 

 

For the Christians, isn’t it God who says that He knows the plans He has for you; plans to prosper you and bring you an expected end?