Help, my partner is addicted to pornography

By Carol Kasujja

I was embarrassed and confused when I checked my ex-boyfriend’s phone and came across nude pictures. I could not understand why my church boy would look at and keep pictures of naked women, if he really found me attractive.

And what was more annoying was that he had pictures of me looking my best, but he went ahead and looked at those pictures.

Little did I know that whenever I was not at his home, he could watch pornographic movies in his room.
When I confronted him and asked why he watched such movies, with a shameful smile, he told me that there was no harm in just looking at pictures.

“Curiosity forced me to check out the movies,” he said. Lousy boy, I thought.

I asked some nice male friend of his for advice and found out that almost all of them had looked at a porn magazine or watched a video and they had enjoyed looking at naked women.

Their reasons for watching porn ranged from peer pressure to the ‘excitement’ pornography delivers.

The cold, hard truth is that men like porn, and will look at it when an opportunity presents itself.

Some even use their office computers to surf porn, even when they are fully aware that it could cost them their job.

With the internet’s abundance of pornography websites to choose from, it is almost impossible to find a man who has not indulged in the many sites on offer.

Just because you do not have cold, hard evidence does not mean that he is not doing it, he is just good at hiding it.

Why do guys do it?

You would be shocked at the justification guys give for looking at porn. “Whenever I feel like sleeping with another woman, I watch porn and it cools me off. It is better to watch a naked woman on screen than watching them live in pubs,” says Joseph Mukasa, a student.

Fred Zziwa agrees: “I watch porn for fantasy and get more skills to be able to satisfy my girlfriend in bed. It will be selfish of me to think of pleasing myself and not looking for skills to make my girl happy when we are making love.”

“To feel better and be entertained, kama sutra movies provide us with a variety of skilled, beautiful women who make sex fun, yet in real life, our wives can never pull off such moves and styles,” says Michael Awori. Justin Babirye admits that she used to watch porn with her ex-boyfriend.

“It was disgusting, but I watched it because my boyfriend liked it and used to play the movies whenever we were alone in the house.

The problem was that he wanted me to have sex with him like those girls in the movies, which I failed to do and we started fighting till I called it quits.”

Expert's opinion

Most married women will not accept it, but many men watch pornography.

If you find out, do not leave him because you feel devastated.Instead, ask your husband why he enjoys ogling naked women.

Identify what pushes him to pornography and make sure he avoids them. Show love and support to help him back off his evil ways. Quarrelling and fighting will only kill the urge to continue watching such movies,” says Patrick Kirumira, a family counsellor.

Annet Kirabira, also a counsellor, says conquering the lure of pornography is very difficult because some people start watching pornography when they are still young. But, most couples have succeeded in overcoming pornography and have found a healthy balance in their relationships.

Instead of being the end of your relationship, let this be a doorway to a new level of intimacy that you never thought possible.

Get your partner the right professional help. In order to stop the addiction, wives should have good sex with their husbands so that they do not look for a reason to look at other people.”

“Pornography is a path way to adultery and can destroy marriage because a man who is used to watching pornography, finds it hard to get satisfaction from his lover. But women should be willing to trust and love back their loved ones,” Kirabira says.