Why keep her in the dark on family issues?
Jan 29, 2010
MRS. Laker lost her husband two years ago. It was a trying moment for the family. Their grief was compounded by the fact that her late husband had handled all their financial affairs. They owned a lot of property and all the transactions were done by him.
By Anne Kirya
MRS. Laker lost her husband two years ago. It was a trying moment for the family. Their grief was compounded by the fact that her late husband had handled all their financial affairs. They owned a lot of property and all the transactions were done by him.
The family had mortgages, loans and accounts that she had no knowledge about. It was just not her place to know. He had never involved her and she, in turn, did not seek to be involved.
Sadly, he had left no will; so, affairs in his home were plunged into chaos. Due to mismanagement from relatives, the widow was left penniless and homeless.
Mrs. Laker’s experience exposes the need to involve both partners in the planning and making of decisions for the family.
Kizito and his wife always make decisions together. However, getting to this point did not happen over night. It was after he got into trouble that he confided in her.
Her husband dealt with an illegitimate broker when he was looking for land to buy. After losing a few million shillings to the broker, he had to tell his wife. He was surprised when her help came in handy. With the help, they were able to retrieve some of the money lost.
The common practice in most families in Uganda is for men to deal with planning and ‘more important affairs’ and for women to handle the day-to-day home issues. There are gender set roles traditionally and many couples still adhere to them. While this may be good because it divides the labour, it can also result into a few complications down the road.
Many women say their involvement in planning for the family stops when ‘big’ money picture enters. In making investments and buying property, the man usually carries all of the responsibility.
The raising of the children is usually an arena left to the women. This is unfortunate because the participation of both parents is essential. Not to mention that it is a trying task, a lot of help is always welcome.
But when it comes to deciding the schools a child should go to, choice of career, the responsibility shifts to the father.
Wilson believes it is one of those things that you do not argue about. It is he, after all, who pays the fees. Growing up, his father always decided where he and his siblings studied.
His mother, based on the stories told to her by her children, was not always in support of his choices, but she had no say in the matter. Because of her reaction, however, Wilson thinks women should have no hand in making important decisions. His mother always felt sorry for her children, but in the long run, they finished school well. He feels that women decisions are made from an emotional stand point. Thus, they are not objective.
According to Debbie, women should be more involved in the choice of school for their children because some of them are more willing to open up to their mothers than fathers. If a mother is more involved, she would legitimately defend the decision to take the children to a particular school.
“My mother always told me not to worry, that I would be leaving the school soon,†Debbie said.
She added that it encouraged her to behave well because she knew the mother was behind her.
Running a family, just like any institution, is a tiresome job. You need help and that is one of the reasons people have partners. Someone else may be able to see an angle to a situation that you had overlooked.
Beyond the help, you also need a few checks. Sometimes, the best way to do this is to have a fully involved partner to whom you can account.
Angela Kalule, musician and radio personality
I would wish to be involved in issues of my children’s education, especially the schools they should attend. It is also important for husbands to discuss with their wives issues to do with family growth; the issue of extended family members. There are some relatives who come for a visit but end up staying for months.
Winnie Balowooza, trader
I think a husband and his wife should discuss issues to do with money. It is always the source of problems in many families. When an employed husband does not give his wife money, she is forced to believe that he gives the mnoey to some other women. To prevent such conflicts in the family, it is best for the man to discuss with his wife all his sources of money so that she, too, plans for the family.
Alice Alaso, woman MP, Soroti
I believe every matter to do with investment should be discussed by a husband and his wife. It is in the family’s interest when a woman knows all her husband’s investments. If the husband died, God forbid, the family would lose everything he kept to himself. I also believe a husband should inform his wife in case he has some loans. She can be understanding if one day, he comes home without food for supper. If you do not disclose such issues, then it brings unnecessary conflicts.
Cathy Bagaala, housewife
It is right for any man to discuss with his wife before taking on another woman. Women feel offended and betrayed when they find out about their co-wives. When you tell her from the beginning, it shows you respect your wife and she means a lot to you.
Irene Birungi, television personality
I think all issues that lead to the development of the family should be discussed by a husband and his wife. It is right for them to discuss the kinds of businesses they should involve themselves in. Such a discussion brings about transparency in the relationship and enables them to trust each other.
MRS. Laker lost her husband two years ago. It was a trying moment for the family. Their grief was compounded by the fact that her late husband had handled all their financial affairs. They owned a lot of property and all the transactions were done by him.
The family had mortgages, loans and accounts that she had no knowledge about. It was just not her place to know. He had never involved her and she, in turn, did not seek to be involved.
Sadly, he had left no will; so, affairs in his home were plunged into chaos. Due to mismanagement from relatives, the widow was left penniless and homeless.
Mrs. Laker’s experience exposes the need to involve both partners in the planning and making of decisions for the family.
Kizito and his wife always make decisions together. However, getting to this point did not happen over night. It was after he got into trouble that he confided in her.
Her husband dealt with an illegitimate broker when he was looking for land to buy. After losing a few million shillings to the broker, he had to tell his wife. He was surprised when her help came in handy. With the help, they were able to retrieve some of the money lost.
The common practice in most families in Uganda is for men to deal with planning and ‘more important affairs’ and for women to handle the day-to-day home issues. There are gender set roles traditionally and many couples still adhere to them. While this may be good because it divides the labour, it can also result into a few complications down the road.
Many women say their involvement in planning for the family stops when ‘big’ money picture enters. In making investments and buying property, the man usually carries all of the responsibility.
The raising of the children is usually an arena left to the women. This is unfortunate because the participation of both parents is essential. Not to mention that it is a trying task, a lot of help is always welcome.
But when it comes to deciding the schools a child should go to, choice of career, the responsibility shifts to the father.
Wilson believes it is one of those things that you do not argue about. It is he, after all, who pays the fees. Growing up, his father always decided where he and his siblings studied.
His mother, based on the stories told to her by her children, was not always in support of his choices, but she had no say in the matter. Because of her reaction, however, Wilson thinks women should have no hand in making important decisions. His mother always felt sorry for her children, but in the long run, they finished school well. He feels that women decisions are made from an emotional stand point. Thus, they are not objective.
According to Debbie, women should be more involved in the choice of school for their children because some of them are more willing to open up to their mothers than fathers. If a mother is more involved, she would legitimately defend the decision to take the children to a particular school.
“My mother always told me not to worry, that I would be leaving the school soon,†Debbie said.
She added that it encouraged her to behave well because she knew the mother was behind her.
Running a family, just like any institution, is a tiresome job. You need help and that is one of the reasons people have partners. Someone else may be able to see an angle to a situation that you had overlooked.
Beyond the help, you also need a few checks. Sometimes, the best way to do this is to have a fully involved partner to whom you can account.
Angela Kalule, musician and radio personality
I would wish to be involved in issues of my children’s education, especially the schools they should attend. It is also important for husbands to discuss with their wives issues to do with family growth; the issue of extended family members. There are some relatives who come for a visit but end up staying for months.
Winnie Balowooza, trader
I think a husband and his wife should discuss issues to do with money. It is always the source of problems in many families. When an employed husband does not give his wife money, she is forced to believe that he gives the mnoey to some other women. To prevent such conflicts in the family, it is best for the man to discuss with his wife all his sources of money so that she, too, plans for the family.
Alice Alaso, woman MP, Soroti
I believe every matter to do with investment should be discussed by a husband and his wife. It is in the family’s interest when a woman knows all her husband’s investments. If the husband died, God forbid, the family would lose everything he kept to himself. I also believe a husband should inform his wife in case he has some loans. She can be understanding if one day, he comes home without food for supper. If you do not disclose such issues, then it brings unnecessary conflicts.
Cathy Bagaala, housewife
It is right for any man to discuss with his wife before taking on another woman. Women feel offended and betrayed when they find out about their co-wives. When you tell her from the beginning, it shows you respect your wife and she means a lot to you.
Irene Birungi, television personality
I think all issues that lead to the development of the family should be discussed by a husband and his wife. It is right for them to discuss the kinds of businesses they should involve themselves in. Such a discussion brings about transparency in the relationship and enables them to trust each other.