Is your bedroom a graveyard?
Nov 21, 2010
MANY a time, women are willing to have sex but their bodies do not respond to their partners’ sexual advances. As a result, they die in silence.
MANY a time, women are willing to have sex but their bodies do not respond to their partners’ sexual advances. As a result, they die in silence. Vicky Wandawa tackles frigidity and how to go about it
What is frigidity?
Ideally, it ought to create a mutual sensation of pleasure or it turns out a mere monotonous obligation that one party misses out on the pleasure. In the presence of conditions such as frigidity, females do not get pleasure during sexual intercourse.
“Frigidity is a term broadly used to refer to low libido in women,†Evelyn Nabunya, an obstetrician at Mulago Hospital, defines. She adds, however, that the term is often wrongly used to describe a woman who is emotionally cold or does not respond to her partner’s advances.
However, with frigidity, failure to respond suitably to her partner’s advances is not on purpose, but rather as a result of other underlying factors, and in a considerable number of cases, unknown to her.
Godfrey Aliya, a gynaecologist at Mulago Hospital, says frigidity can also be referred to as vaginismus. It involves the inability of a woman to experience sexual pleasure as a result of acute spasms or contractions in her vaginal muscles.
“During sexual intercourse, frigidity can be displayed when it causes the female’s virginal muscles to spasm or contract severely,†Aliya notes.
“The man may penetrate with a lot of difficulty, hence offset excruciating pain for the partner, but in severe cases of vaginal spasm; he may entirely fail to penetrate.â€
Gaston Byamugisha, a counsellor and lecturer at Kyambogo University, explains that there are two issues that should not be confused and those are total disinterest in sex, which is when a woman has no desire whatsoever for sex and the other is whereby a woman has desire for sex, but fails to respond sufficiently to full orgasm. The latter is what frigidity is all about.
A woman’s main sexual organ is the brain. Whatever affects her brain is very likely to affect her sexual performance. Nabunya says frigidity may result from psychological effects following post traumatic sexual experiences such as rape or incest.
Likewise, Aliya notes that with such previous pain and trauma, the woman experiences a conditioned reflex of frigidity during sex.
This means that unconsciously, the woman becomes frigid, tightening her vaginal muscles. This is because the woman associates sexual intercourse with pain like that of her previous traumatic experience.
She has no control of this conditioned reflex unless she is counselled on how to deal with the thoughts about the previous traumatic experience.
A person may not be frigid in the beginning, but due to some underlying factors, may develop the condition. Below are factors that can spark off frigidity.
Fear
Fear of catching infections such as HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases or fear of getting pregnant can offset frigidity. “For example, in case a woman is worried that she may get pregnant, her body may fail to respond to sexual stimulation, despite her desire for sex,†Aliya explains.
Intimacy inhibition
Nabunya explains that intimacy inhibition could result from culture or religion. For example, if a woman subscribes to a religion that preaches against sex before marriage; when she tries to have sex, she becomes frigid because in her subconscious, she is sinning. She, therefore feels ashamed and guilty.
Low self-esteem
A woman with low self-esteem will most likely experience frigidity. For example, if she is not confident of her body, her mind will be preoccupied with thoughts of whether the man is comparing her body to the better ones he has seen.
Marital conflicts
Following marital arguments and unresolved issues, a woman might experience frigidity during sexual intercourse because such situations may emotionally draw her apart from her sexual partner.
Situational factors
A woman may experience frigidity if she lives with an intoxicated partner and in-laws.
Physical factors include:
Aliya says infections could also be an underlying cause of frigidity. These do not have to be sexually transmitted infections but can be any other infection. “Genital tract infections can be picked from sharing linen and sharing toilets with infected people, offseting frigidity.â€
Furthermore, because sexually transmitted infections are likely to cause painful sex (dyspaeromia), when the female experiences pain during, she may fail to respond sufficiently because her brain starts to relate sex with pain and hence will respond by frigidity to avoid the pain.
Dyspaeromia could be a result of vaginal dryness, Nabunya notes. “Where there is dryness, there most likely is to be pain.†Such dryness may be as a result of menopause, whereby the levels of oestrogen which helps in lubrication during sex have been lowered.â€
Lack of enough foreplay
Byamugisha says for men, sexual intercourse is more of a physical than emotional act while for women it is emotional.
“A man will get turned on by seeing while a woman has to be emotionally turned on. Hence, when she does not receive adequate foreplay, chances that she will fail to respond sufficiently are high.â€
Byamugisha explains that compared to females, males often start sex as early in their teenage years and this may have a bearing on their sexual life later on, as regards satisfying their partners.
For example, a boy at 14 years is only after self-gratification and not satisfying his partner. He basically does not know what he is doing. Unfortunately, he will carry on that way until marriage, seeking to gratify himself, unaware that his partner needs adequate foreplay.
When she fails to respond, the two will might think the woman is frigid and yet it is the man who is inadequate.
Unfortunately, a number of times when a woman does not respond sufficiently, she may think she is frigid, yet it is due to her partner’s ignorance that she is not responding sufficiently. Eventually, she concludes that she is frigid and her subsequent attempts to have sex fail.
Exhaustion and fatigue
An exhausted woman will in most cases fail to respond to sexual stimulation.
Effects of medication
Some medication can interfere with a woman’s sexual stimulation, for example medication for high blood pressure.
Effects of alcohol or substance abuse
Nabunya says like alcohol may destabilise the liver and sight, it could do the same to the reproductive system, thereby causing frigidity.
Vaginal nerves damage
These could have resulted from surgery or trauma.
What is frigidity?
Ideally, it ought to create a mutual sensation of pleasure or it turns out a mere monotonous obligation that one party misses out on the pleasure. In the presence of conditions such as frigidity, females do not get pleasure during sexual intercourse.
“Frigidity is a term broadly used to refer to low libido in women,†Evelyn Nabunya, an obstetrician at Mulago Hospital, defines. She adds, however, that the term is often wrongly used to describe a woman who is emotionally cold or does not respond to her partner’s advances.
However, with frigidity, failure to respond suitably to her partner’s advances is not on purpose, but rather as a result of other underlying factors, and in a considerable number of cases, unknown to her.
Godfrey Aliya, a gynaecologist at Mulago Hospital, says frigidity can also be referred to as vaginismus. It involves the inability of a woman to experience sexual pleasure as a result of acute spasms or contractions in her vaginal muscles.
“During sexual intercourse, frigidity can be displayed when it causes the female’s virginal muscles to spasm or contract severely,†Aliya notes.
“The man may penetrate with a lot of difficulty, hence offset excruciating pain for the partner, but in severe cases of vaginal spasm; he may entirely fail to penetrate.â€
Gaston Byamugisha, a counsellor and lecturer at Kyambogo University, explains that there are two issues that should not be confused and those are total disinterest in sex, which is when a woman has no desire whatsoever for sex and the other is whereby a woman has desire for sex, but fails to respond sufficiently to full orgasm. The latter is what frigidity is all about.
A woman’s main sexual organ is the brain. Whatever affects her brain is very likely to affect her sexual performance. Nabunya says frigidity may result from psychological effects following post traumatic sexual experiences such as rape or incest.
Likewise, Aliya notes that with such previous pain and trauma, the woman experiences a conditioned reflex of frigidity during sex.
This means that unconsciously, the woman becomes frigid, tightening her vaginal muscles. This is because the woman associates sexual intercourse with pain like that of her previous traumatic experience.
She has no control of this conditioned reflex unless she is counselled on how to deal with the thoughts about the previous traumatic experience.
A person may not be frigid in the beginning, but due to some underlying factors, may develop the condition. Below are factors that can spark off frigidity.
Fear
Fear of catching infections such as HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases or fear of getting pregnant can offset frigidity. “For example, in case a woman is worried that she may get pregnant, her body may fail to respond to sexual stimulation, despite her desire for sex,†Aliya explains.
Intimacy inhibition
Nabunya explains that intimacy inhibition could result from culture or religion. For example, if a woman subscribes to a religion that preaches against sex before marriage; when she tries to have sex, she becomes frigid because in her subconscious, she is sinning. She, therefore feels ashamed and guilty.
Low self-esteem
A woman with low self-esteem will most likely experience frigidity. For example, if she is not confident of her body, her mind will be preoccupied with thoughts of whether the man is comparing her body to the better ones he has seen.
Marital conflicts
Following marital arguments and unresolved issues, a woman might experience frigidity during sexual intercourse because such situations may emotionally draw her apart from her sexual partner.
Situational factors
A woman may experience frigidity if she lives with an intoxicated partner and in-laws.
Physical factors include:
Aliya says infections could also be an underlying cause of frigidity. These do not have to be sexually transmitted infections but can be any other infection. “Genital tract infections can be picked from sharing linen and sharing toilets with infected people, offseting frigidity.â€
Furthermore, because sexually transmitted infections are likely to cause painful sex (dyspaeromia), when the female experiences pain during, she may fail to respond sufficiently because her brain starts to relate sex with pain and hence will respond by frigidity to avoid the pain.
Dyspaeromia could be a result of vaginal dryness, Nabunya notes. “Where there is dryness, there most likely is to be pain.†Such dryness may be as a result of menopause, whereby the levels of oestrogen which helps in lubrication during sex have been lowered.â€
Lack of enough foreplay
Byamugisha says for men, sexual intercourse is more of a physical than emotional act while for women it is emotional.
“A man will get turned on by seeing while a woman has to be emotionally turned on. Hence, when she does not receive adequate foreplay, chances that she will fail to respond sufficiently are high.â€
Byamugisha explains that compared to females, males often start sex as early in their teenage years and this may have a bearing on their sexual life later on, as regards satisfying their partners.
For example, a boy at 14 years is only after self-gratification and not satisfying his partner. He basically does not know what he is doing. Unfortunately, he will carry on that way until marriage, seeking to gratify himself, unaware that his partner needs adequate foreplay.
When she fails to respond, the two will might think the woman is frigid and yet it is the man who is inadequate.
Unfortunately, a number of times when a woman does not respond sufficiently, she may think she is frigid, yet it is due to her partner’s ignorance that she is not responding sufficiently. Eventually, she concludes that she is frigid and her subsequent attempts to have sex fail.
Exhaustion and fatigue
An exhausted woman will in most cases fail to respond to sexual stimulation.
Effects of medication
Some medication can interfere with a woman’s sexual stimulation, for example medication for high blood pressure.
Effects of alcohol or substance abuse
Nabunya says like alcohol may destabilise the liver and sight, it could do the same to the reproductive system, thereby causing frigidity.
Vaginal nerves damage
These could have resulted from surgery or trauma.