Kibirige Ssebunya, Uganda’s One-Man Sperm Bank
Jul 20, 2003
<b>JUST who is Kibirige Ssebunya and why is he in the news? </b> Be serious, you must have heard of him.
Just who is Kibirige Ssebunya and why is he in the news? Be serious, you must have heard of him. Not only is he is State Minister for Agriculture, he also has a fond habit of ‘forgetting to engage brain’ before he speaks out.
Are you trying to tell us that his utterances have landed him in trouble with his boss?
That I don’t know, but what I do know is some time back he urged us to eat monkey meat if they were a nuisance to our crops. As if that was not bad enough, he now tells us that his sperm can last a staggering 100 years!
Surely you cannot be serious! Let’s start with the monkey meat: Where does one find it? Can I pop into my butchers in Kabalagala, buy a kilo or two and take it home to the wife?
I have yet to see any monkey meat hanging off the hooks at my local butchers. However, if I may suggest, head down to Entebbe Zoo or Kalangala in the Ssese Islands and there you are bound to find an abundance of monkeys. But first check with Uganda Wildlife Authority before you go pulling out your butcher’s knife.
Why should I consult UWA and when Ssebunya advised us to eat monkey meat did he offer ideas as to how we should prepare it and whether it would go down well with a red wine or a Chardonnay?
I don’t think Arthur Mugisha, the Executive Director of UWA and other wildlife conservation bodies, would be too impressed at the thought of monkeys being hacked just to satisfy our stomachs. And Ssebunya didn’t even tell us whether monkeys should be flambéed, grilled, done luwombo a-la-carte, deep-fried or served with groundnut sauce.
So what is the story with his sperm? Does he have such an abundance of it that he wants to give it away?
Well, two Friday’s ago without shame, Ssebunya stood up at a seed technology workshop in Munyonyo and told all that he is in a position to store his sperm for use 100 years later if need be, because he specialised in genetics!
What would make the minister talk about his sperm? Did one of his colleagues challenge him and imply that his sperm was no good hence the need for him to assure people that all is okay?
Well, you know Ssebunya and his utterances. Maybe he made those utterances in a bid to make the front page of The Sunday Vision, which he did. I am a private person and the last thing I would want is everybody knowing that my sperm has a use-by-date.
Will they have to slice his parts open to extract his sperm or will he have to use his hands to....
Stop, stop, stop - I think we know where you’re going with the hands suggestion! How the doctors will remove the sperm, that he has yet to tell us. Knowing him sooner or later, all shall be revealed.
When his sperm is removed, where would he store it and has he identified suitable women worthy enough to be blessed with his sperm?
I think there is a sperm bank in Gulu, but whether they are accepting deposits or not that I don’t know. Assuming they are not, he might have to store his sperm in a clearly marked flask somewhere in the corner of his fridge. He also has to keep his fingers crossed and hope that while at work, the house girl does not open it, thinking it is milk that has gone off and pour it down the sink drain!
Ends
Are you trying to tell us that his utterances have landed him in trouble with his boss?
That I don’t know, but what I do know is some time back he urged us to eat monkey meat if they were a nuisance to our crops. As if that was not bad enough, he now tells us that his sperm can last a staggering 100 years!
Surely you cannot be serious! Let’s start with the monkey meat: Where does one find it? Can I pop into my butchers in Kabalagala, buy a kilo or two and take it home to the wife?
I have yet to see any monkey meat hanging off the hooks at my local butchers. However, if I may suggest, head down to Entebbe Zoo or Kalangala in the Ssese Islands and there you are bound to find an abundance of monkeys. But first check with Uganda Wildlife Authority before you go pulling out your butcher’s knife.
Why should I consult UWA and when Ssebunya advised us to eat monkey meat did he offer ideas as to how we should prepare it and whether it would go down well with a red wine or a Chardonnay?
I don’t think Arthur Mugisha, the Executive Director of UWA and other wildlife conservation bodies, would be too impressed at the thought of monkeys being hacked just to satisfy our stomachs. And Ssebunya didn’t even tell us whether monkeys should be flambéed, grilled, done luwombo a-la-carte, deep-fried or served with groundnut sauce.
So what is the story with his sperm? Does he have such an abundance of it that he wants to give it away?
Well, two Friday’s ago without shame, Ssebunya stood up at a seed technology workshop in Munyonyo and told all that he is in a position to store his sperm for use 100 years later if need be, because he specialised in genetics!
What would make the minister talk about his sperm? Did one of his colleagues challenge him and imply that his sperm was no good hence the need for him to assure people that all is okay?
Well, you know Ssebunya and his utterances. Maybe he made those utterances in a bid to make the front page of The Sunday Vision, which he did. I am a private person and the last thing I would want is everybody knowing that my sperm has a use-by-date.
Will they have to slice his parts open to extract his sperm or will he have to use his hands to....
Stop, stop, stop - I think we know where you’re going with the hands suggestion! How the doctors will remove the sperm, that he has yet to tell us. Knowing him sooner or later, all shall be revealed.
When his sperm is removed, where would he store it and has he identified suitable women worthy enough to be blessed with his sperm?
I think there is a sperm bank in Gulu, but whether they are accepting deposits or not that I don’t know. Assuming they are not, he might have to store his sperm in a clearly marked flask somewhere in the corner of his fridge. He also has to keep his fingers crossed and hope that while at work, the house girl does not open it, thinking it is milk that has gone off and pour it down the sink drain!
Ends