Making merry in a polygamous x-mas
Dec 18, 2009
THE jingles are tolling, reminding us to make that budget now. You have to plan for Christmas, the season of spreading cheer, of spending time with family, of sharing and caring. Of love and compassion and of family bonding.
By Jacobs Odongo
THE jingles are tolling, reminding us to make that budget now. You have to plan for Christmas, the season of spreading cheer, of spending time with family, of sharing and caring. Of love and compassion and of family bonding.
But that is where for polygamous families, the ellipses come into the picture. They have to pause and peruse through the budget to make sure there is harmony in each family. In the past, a polygamous families had a man and two or more wives living in the same family, even though the homestead would be different—which also depended on the man’s income. Nowadays, men, for many reasons, have what the Congolese call deuxieme bureau.
Felix Dradenya, a Ugandan of Congolese origin, who has two families, one in Congo and the other in Jinja, where he stays says deuxieme bureau is a system where a man has two wives living in different homes.
It can be that a man has one family in Kampala and the other miles away in Soroti, which means he has to budget for both families. However, the ultimate test seems to come in ‘loyalty’. For starters, just where would he spend his Christmas? If he spent it in town, wouldn’t the other family miss him?
“My old man used to divide loyalty,†George recalls. “He would go to church and have lunch with my steps and thereafter come stay with us for the rest of the festive day. And the following year, he would go about it the other way round.â€
A wacky script in the diary of a polygamist? May be, may be not. But he did it the best way he knew how.
Joseph Onyait has never spent Christmas outside his home village in Soroti. The Kibimba rice farm worker says it is like a culture to spend time with the rest of the family back in Soroti so he has to leave the family in Kibimba well catered for.
“I value my roots and tradition that’s why I can’t stay with the family in Kibimba but I have to make sure that my second wife and children have enough food.â€
Okurut from Katakwi has two wives who cannot share the same hut but he says there is no need to bring the two women together since he spends most of the time with the other elders.
“They (his wives) prepare separate meals, but the feasting is not so much in adults like us; we spend most of the time drinking. I, however, do eat two meals on that day: Lunch in one home and supper in the otherâ€
Wandera, a Police officer in Naguru says, “Having two or more women does not mean you shouldn’t have priority or have a merry Christmas. For example, Muslims too, have festive seasons but they do not butt their heads on the wall over which wife to spend the festive season with.â€
Hussein Nyende, a converted staunch Born-again Christian, says “in most Muslim homesteads, the family head chooses which wife to spend more of his time with and usually, the favourite wife takes the day.
The other women have to learn to live with such a time because their faith teaches them to accept their status.â€
However, no matter how people plan for this time, things are bound to go awry especially if the man is a low income earner who cannot fly miles away from one family to another.
THE jingles are tolling, reminding us to make that budget now. You have to plan for Christmas, the season of spreading cheer, of spending time with family, of sharing and caring. Of love and compassion and of family bonding.
But that is where for polygamous families, the ellipses come into the picture. They have to pause and peruse through the budget to make sure there is harmony in each family. In the past, a polygamous families had a man and two or more wives living in the same family, even though the homestead would be different—which also depended on the man’s income. Nowadays, men, for many reasons, have what the Congolese call deuxieme bureau.
Felix Dradenya, a Ugandan of Congolese origin, who has two families, one in Congo and the other in Jinja, where he stays says deuxieme bureau is a system where a man has two wives living in different homes.
It can be that a man has one family in Kampala and the other miles away in Soroti, which means he has to budget for both families. However, the ultimate test seems to come in ‘loyalty’. For starters, just where would he spend his Christmas? If he spent it in town, wouldn’t the other family miss him?
“My old man used to divide loyalty,†George recalls. “He would go to church and have lunch with my steps and thereafter come stay with us for the rest of the festive day. And the following year, he would go about it the other way round.â€
A wacky script in the diary of a polygamist? May be, may be not. But he did it the best way he knew how.
Joseph Onyait has never spent Christmas outside his home village in Soroti. The Kibimba rice farm worker says it is like a culture to spend time with the rest of the family back in Soroti so he has to leave the family in Kibimba well catered for.
“I value my roots and tradition that’s why I can’t stay with the family in Kibimba but I have to make sure that my second wife and children have enough food.â€
Okurut from Katakwi has two wives who cannot share the same hut but he says there is no need to bring the two women together since he spends most of the time with the other elders.
“They (his wives) prepare separate meals, but the feasting is not so much in adults like us; we spend most of the time drinking. I, however, do eat two meals on that day: Lunch in one home and supper in the otherâ€
Wandera, a Police officer in Naguru says, “Having two or more women does not mean you shouldn’t have priority or have a merry Christmas. For example, Muslims too, have festive seasons but they do not butt their heads on the wall over which wife to spend the festive season with.â€
Hussein Nyende, a converted staunch Born-again Christian, says “in most Muslim homesteads, the family head chooses which wife to spend more of his time with and usually, the favourite wife takes the day.
The other women have to learn to live with such a time because their faith teaches them to accept their status.â€
However, no matter how people plan for this time, things are bound to go awry especially if the man is a low income earner who cannot fly miles away from one family to another.