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Is it still offensive for a couple to discuss money?

May 29, 2009

DEALING with rising food prices, fuel and education costs can pose challenges to any marriage. Creating a home that is financially secure takes planning, but for some couples, discussing money is a no-go area. Historically, for a woman to discuss a couple



DEALING with rising food prices, fuel and education costs can pose challenges to any marriage. Creating a home that is financially secure takes planning, but for some couples, discussing money is a no-go area. Historically, for a woman to discuss a couple’s finances has been taboo world over. But in these difficult economic times, having an honest conversation about money can make or break your relationship.

Historically, the entrance of women into the workplace and higher education rates caused a cultural shift in how couples handle finances. “Traditionally, a man’s job is to provide, while the woman is meant to cook and take care of the home,” said Trevor Lule, a system’s administrator. “If a woman tried to talk about money, she had to be indirect.”  Lule feels that despite cultural taboos, couples need to create a budget for a healthy relationship. 

According to Isaac Katumba, a manager at Abii Clinic in Kampala and often counsels couples on money issues, couples are forced to talk about money because of external pressures. For instance, to survive, both partners might need to work. Everything from buying milk to children’s school fees can spark a conversation about the household’s finances, even if cultural and religious taboos might make the discussion challenging.  In order to prevent painful mistakes and hurtful arguments, couples need to budget their expenses and reconcile their financial ways. For instance, a husband might copy hoarding patterns he learned from his parents, while his wife might spend beyond her means to deal with anxiety. Being aware of a couple’s spending patterns, and where they originate from, requires high levels of communication and honesty.

“Religion and culture sometimes teaches women to be on the receiving end, and not to question their husbands about money,” said Katumba.  “Traditionally, in a Muslim family, the women’s job is to take care of the children and husband, not to look for work outside the home. But the culture of education encourages women to ask about their husband’s income and how they spend it. Women, just like us, don’t want to marry someone with many problems.”

Whether a couple finds talking about money taboo largely depends on the individual and how religious and culturally biased they are and the practices in the families they grew up. When a couple begins dating, however, discussions about money can sometimes trigger uneasiness. For instance, asking about someone’s salary on a first or second date might make the other person feel you have sinister intentions.

“If a woman asked me how much money I make on a date, it might bespeak monetary greed,” said Katumba.  But when a relationship becomes more serious, talking about money is essential for both parties. Developing a strategy for making large purchases should draw upon the financial strengths of both partners, while taking caution against their vulnerabilities. 

However, early on in dating, couples should be sensitive to each other’s privacy and not inquire about money tactlessly.

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