Ho! Today, I am wired in science! Blessed are those who read to the end. I am laden with the technology that will separate sheep from goats, and Pastors from ‘Pastors’. It is tried and tested, with a Movement guarantee which can very easily mean ‘forever and ever’.

Do you remember the two groups of pastors who were accusing each other of bad manners? One group headed by Male and Ssempa declared their fellow pastor Kayanja a homosexual! These are men who (censored) their fellow men’s (censored). Kayanja, on the other hand charged back, calling his accusers jealous schemers who want his empire. The game was interesting while it lasted but the referee did not allow it to end. His name is Police and his word is final.

Police decreed that Pastor Kayanja is not a homosexual and has never gone near people’s bums romantically.

Halleluiah! Amen.
Now the accusers are appealing to the president of this republic, as if Kayanja is not too connected to antagonise. If they had asked me, I would have explained to them that Kayanja is not such a great enemy to make.

In the end, there is no end. That is until I have to research and come up with a standard which can isolate the unknown. Even if you are such a fiery pastor, who prays and preaches like you are quarrelling with someone, this sieve will smoke you out if you have homosexual tendencies. So, pay attention.

Question: Can you catch a homosexual?
Answer: If you have failed to catch corrupt officials who are everywhere in spite of all the anti-corruption units, how in hell do you expect to catch a gay man?

Doctor: Yes we can! You can easily tell a homosexual by simply looking at his fingers.

Just follow these steps.
Step I: Get specimen A who may be anybody, but pastors will get you quick results.

Step II: Ask specimen A to straighten his fingers.

Step III: Compare the length of his index and ring fingers. Which one is taller than the other?

Step IV: There is no step IV, you have finished.

This has been dubbed the digit ratio theory and multiple studies have confirmed it.

Apparently, if a man has a longer ring finger, it means he got more testosterone as a foetus and is more likely to be hyperactive, aggressive and disgusted by anything featuring men’s sewage exhausts.

A longer index finger, on the other hand, means more oestrogen, making him more neurotic and sensitive. So if his index finger is way longer than his ring finger, he is likely to be the gayest dude.

But I must add that the litmus paper identifies those who have natural tendencies for homosexuality. It may not identify who has actually committed it. You may have this strong urge to discover the exhaust pipe but your strong conscience and social responsiveness help you keep within the expected ethics.

If you are still confused at this point, look for the scientists and ask them. For you it is technical.

All I can say is that this information must be true, because it is being printed in a newspaper.

And if you doubt it, why did you stop reading to first look at your fingers?