Along came the car....and the madness

Oct 02, 2009

Leah, (not real name) thought a car was the answer to many of her family’s needs. “Of course we were all happy when David bought the car. My kids told the whole neighbourhood! The Rav 4 was, you know, a status symbol,” she narrates.

By Irene Nabusoba

Leah, (not real name) thought a car was the answer to many of her family’s needs. “Of course we were all happy when David bought the car. My kids told the whole neighbourhood! The Rav 4 was, you know, a status symbol,” she narrates.

But the good news sizzled out as the car took centre stage in the family. “Our first clash came when someone from the bank called because David had defaulted on loan repayments for three months! He had told me nothing about the debt! A loan for a car! What a liability! That meant that I was in this financial burden with him and yet he did not see me as a co-owner!

“Every sensible adult should have known that a plot of land or a house was a better bargain. In anger, I decided to call him.” But his phone was off. It was David’s friend who told her that he had another phone! “David had actually turned this car into his safe haven for hiding secrets. He would lock it up when he was home and hide the keys. Nobody could access whatever money or phones there were in there. I didn’t know he had another phone and his friends did?”

Leah’s basic complaint was that somehow, the car had made her ‘invisible’. “His car and his friends became a priority. They spent nights roaming around joints. deals were his favourite excuse to be away from home and suddenly, there were these parties and functions: A friend introducing and David being part of the groom’s convoy.”

Slowly, David was hardly ever at home day and most of the night. Worse still, Leah complained, David personalised the car. “When it came, I took driving lessons at a whooping sh350,000 because I knew I would drive once in a while but I have never been behind that car’s steering wheel!”

Everytime she asked to drive, there was an excuse; it had rained and the road is slippery, it was evening with poor visibility or he was going somewhere.

The family now does not benefit from the car, Leah says. “He once even asked me to put fuel if I wanted to be dropped at the office!” she said.

“And if by golden chance he offers a lift, I have to suffer. He will rush me like he is doing me such a favour and abuse me over time keeping till I vow never to disturb him again.”

But what hurts Leah most is the children. “He cannot even drop his own children at school. Once, I was at the stage waiting for a taxi to take our baby to school when he passed by. And it was drizzling! When my neighbour asked what was wrong with Taata Jerry, I lied that he had not seen us. But I wept inside,” she recounted. “The kids really love it when their father drives them in the car.”

When David travels, he parks the car at the airport or asks a friend or relative to keep it. “Should anything happen to it or it needs servicing, we would rather go without food.

“And, unfortunately, there is always something going wrong with it. He has divorced himself from family responsibilities. everytime you ask for money, there is something about the car to be fixed.”

Three years later, Leah thinks her husband is a stranger. She even wishes the car could crush or get burnt.

“And I wouldn’t help in repairs or replacement. I now have some money but I am saving to buy my own. Then the kids will know what it means to have a family car.”

Leah says she has learnt to live with the car fracas now. She cannot remember the last time she sat in David’s car but she has adjusted and is comfortable.

“I know friends who call the shots where their husbands’ cars are concerned. For me, that is a far fetched dream.”

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