Is there such a thing as just friends?

Jul 11, 2008

THEre are some things that cannot be accomplished. Things like turning night into day, black to white (leave Michael Jackson out of this) and making a red blooded gal and guy ‘just friends’. Many have tried, few have succeeded and others are still trying.

By Anne Kirya

THEre are some things that cannot be accomplished. Things like turning night into day, black to white (leave Michael Jackson out of this) and making a red blooded gal and guy ‘just friends’. Many have tried, few have succeeded and others are still trying.

My best friend was a guy and we got along beautifully. To cut a very long story short, he got a girlfriend, I found someone and that is when the trouble begun.

I had enjoyed being the most important person in his life. Nothing would go on without my say so; even that girlfriend had been approved by me first so you can imagine how I felt when I was pulled down from my throne. We grew distant.

I could not get it. I mean, these people had just come into our lives and through no direct interference, were causing trouble on our perfect little island. He went from being ‘besto’ to plain old ‘Tony’.

The whole issue of guys and gals being friends comes down to your definition of ‘friend’. If it is someone you talk to every so often and meet along with all your friends, then yes, gals and guys can be friends. If, however, you call each other all the time, spend a lot of your free time together, talk about your cramps… then you might be crossing the line.

Nelly and a good friend had the unadulterated platonic love but not for long. He ended up wanting more, she did not. “Relationships ruin friendship and I had really never looked at him in that way,” she says. He wasn’t very pleased with her refusal, but they remained friends, although with a few limitations. “When we go out, I’m not allowed to be with him all night, lest I send the ‘wrong signals’ to prospective girlfriends,” Nelly explains.

These two were lucky; many friendships have been lost that way. One of you wants to take things to another level and the other is oblivious to where on earth the feelings are coming from.

These feelings may not even be real, but because you see each other all the time, things became muddled up in your minds. You need to give each other a little space and room to look at the finer print. Afterall, we were all witness to the Richard and Tatiana love in the Big Brother II House.

Roger says he does not know what ‘just friends’ means. He says he is a red blooded male and God did not send him to be friends with girls. He believes ‘all males are hunters’. He isn’t very off though. On the grand scale of it all, we are driven by chemicals and hormones, those little buggers called pheromones. They prompt sexual attraction. We all have them so nobody is exempt.

Dr. Anthony Rukera, a student of sexology at Greenwich University in the UK, says it depends on how you look at it. Some scientists think that when someone does not fit your profile of a suitable mate, then they could easily pass for friends.

Rukera believes that we are human beings with human emotions and we do not always act like animals. “The problem is that films make it seem like it is impossible to be just friends, because everyone always ends up ‘together’. But it depends on the individuals involved,” he concludes.

Jay seems to have found the way around it. He lives with his best friend; they have two children and have been together for about seven years now. He still introduces her as his best friend.

However, we have also seen platonic friendships remain just that, platonic. “Many girls say their friendships with guys are stronger than with their girlfriends. Gals harbour the bias that guys are more likely to be longer lasting friends,” Maria, a married woman, says.

On the other hand, guys admit that gals are caring and it is easier to let your guard down around them. “There is nothing to prove when you are sad, you do not have to fake happiness. I call my girls when I feel depressed,” says Allan. Yes boys get depressed, but are reluctant to admit it to each other for fear of seeming weak.

As cynical as I want to be about this issue, once you find a guy friend, he will look out for you like a sister. There is hope for us after all.

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