Introducing a father figure into your children’s lives
Aug 15, 2008
When couples get together, it’s often with the hope that they will stay in love forever. Then something happens and they part. but she’s pregnant.
By Rosette Nagimesi
When couples get together, it’s often with the hope that they will stay in love forever. Then something happens and they part. but she’s pregnant.
In the days of shotgun weddings, this would instantly mean that the two people would get back together, albeit, unwillingly. Today, however, women are increasingly taking it upon themselves to single-handedly raise their children and do a good job of it. If the father offers to pitch in, good. if he doesn’t, the world won’t end.
At first, it’s easy to play both mum and dad but as your children grow, they begin to need both. The little boys need a role model; someone to run and wrestle with, someone who will be able to match their energy, curiosity and inbuilt need for adventure and most importantly, someone to give them their first example of what a real man should be like.
The little girls, on the other hand, begin to want a stronger protector; they want to be someone’s little princess. It may be necessary at this point, to introduce a father figure.
A father figure can be a relative, a close friend or someone you look up to at your church or in your community. Whoever you choose, he must be of good repute.
It is also very important that you trust this person before leaving your children in his hands.
“It is best if the father figure is a male relative; say an uncle or an older cousin. Family is better because they are more reliable and are less likely to disappear from the child’s life,†says Karungi, a single mother.
The introduction of another adult in your child’s life might make him or her confused about whom to pay more attention to. It’s therefore important to get together with the chosen person and discuss values and beliefs to ensure that they are more or less the same so that it doesn’t really matter who your child opts to believe.
This process ought to be gradual, never forced.
Your child should be allowed, within reason, to choose who they want to look up to. In that case all you need to do is establish this person’s credentials and share with him what you want for your child.
It can, however, not be stressed enough that you need to make sure that the chosen father figure is someone who won’t hurt your child.
When couples get together, it’s often with the hope that they will stay in love forever. Then something happens and they part. but she’s pregnant.
In the days of shotgun weddings, this would instantly mean that the two people would get back together, albeit, unwillingly. Today, however, women are increasingly taking it upon themselves to single-handedly raise their children and do a good job of it. If the father offers to pitch in, good. if he doesn’t, the world won’t end.
At first, it’s easy to play both mum and dad but as your children grow, they begin to need both. The little boys need a role model; someone to run and wrestle with, someone who will be able to match their energy, curiosity and inbuilt need for adventure and most importantly, someone to give them their first example of what a real man should be like.
The little girls, on the other hand, begin to want a stronger protector; they want to be someone’s little princess. It may be necessary at this point, to introduce a father figure.
A father figure can be a relative, a close friend or someone you look up to at your church or in your community. Whoever you choose, he must be of good repute.
It is also very important that you trust this person before leaving your children in his hands.
“It is best if the father figure is a male relative; say an uncle or an older cousin. Family is better because they are more reliable and are less likely to disappear from the child’s life,†says Karungi, a single mother.
The introduction of another adult in your child’s life might make him or her confused about whom to pay more attention to. It’s therefore important to get together with the chosen person and discuss values and beliefs to ensure that they are more or less the same so that it doesn’t really matter who your child opts to believe.
This process ought to be gradual, never forced.
Your child should be allowed, within reason, to choose who they want to look up to. In that case all you need to do is establish this person’s credentials and share with him what you want for your child.
It can, however, not be stressed enough that you need to make sure that the chosen father figure is someone who won’t hurt your child.