When your best friend becomes your boss
Sep 12, 2008
Gloria and Rosette are bosom friends. They pursued the same course at University and eventually worked for the same organisation. Something changed a year later; Gloria was promoted to a post that made her Rosette’s immediate supervisor. The two friends were put in an awkward position.
By Susan Muyiyi
Gloria and Rosette are bosom friends. They pursued the same course at University and eventually worked for the same organisation. Something changed a year later; Gloria was promoted to a post that made her Rosette’s immediate supervisor. The two friends were put in an awkward position.
“I couldn’t believe that I now had to take orders from my bestfriend, with whom I did everything silly. How was I going to see her in a professional light?â€
Gloria, also found it challenging. “When she came late for meetings, I didn’t know how to tell her not to do it again.â€
That was not all, the relationship was strained especially when Gloria put her foot down on a matter and Rosette’s expectations were not meet. “Initially we criticised the company together, then suddenly, she was all praises for it, you would think that she had shares in it,†Rosette recalls. She had to be happy for her friend even though she felt sad that she hadn’t been promoted and yet they seemed to have been making achievements at the same pace.
Bob Gunn, co-author of On the High Wire: How to survive Being Promoted, a career guide book, mentions that having feelings such as Rosette’s is normal.
“Don’t feel guilty, if along with your good feelings for your friend, you also feel a tangle of negative emotion: jealousy. ‘Why her and not me?’†However, you ought to talk it over with a counsellor if you feel demoralised in order to get back on track without destroying your friendship.
Although such changes are bound to happen, you can never entirely be ready for the challenges that might arise.
“No matter how hard you both prepared for the new role, promotion brings a host of surprises,†Gunn writes. “There’s a chasm between watching/critiquing the boss and actually being the one responsible for sustaining an environment in which everyone can do good work. Your old friend/new boss has stepped out on a high wire, alone, juggling new problems and pressures, demands and decisions. From that perspective, turn your attention from what your new boss could or should do for you to how you can help him or her succeed –- benefiting you and the company, as well as your friend,†he advises.
If your new boss is truly your best friend, such is the time you support them to fit into their new role.
Tips
Betsy Gullickson, Gunn’s co-author, suggests the following:
Be clear about roles. If you have a problem looking at your friend in that light, have respect for their new position.
After dealing with your negative feelings, support your boss in the best way that you possibly can.
Use your special history and shared knowledge of insecurities to help your new boss keep her bearings.
Appreciate that it will take a while before you adjust to the change in your relationship.
Don’t tell everyone in the office that you and the boss are best friends.
This could trigger rumours of favouritism.
Don’t test your relationship by over stepping your boundaries, by say not doing what the boss wants.
Keep your mind on work while at the office, you can socialise later.
Avoid making it hard for your boss to give you instructions.
Avoid private meetings in your office; it will be questioned by the other subordinates.
There is certain information you can’t share with your friend once you have stepped up the employment ladder.
Be cooperative and submissive instead of challenging her every decision.
It is not appropriate to gossip about other co-workers, if you did so before.
Discuss the changes with your friend. The outcome will of course depend on how close you were before she got promoted.
Gloria and Rosette are bosom friends. They pursued the same course at University and eventually worked for the same organisation. Something changed a year later; Gloria was promoted to a post that made her Rosette’s immediate supervisor. The two friends were put in an awkward position.
“I couldn’t believe that I now had to take orders from my bestfriend, with whom I did everything silly. How was I going to see her in a professional light?â€
Gloria, also found it challenging. “When she came late for meetings, I didn’t know how to tell her not to do it again.â€
That was not all, the relationship was strained especially when Gloria put her foot down on a matter and Rosette’s expectations were not meet. “Initially we criticised the company together, then suddenly, she was all praises for it, you would think that she had shares in it,†Rosette recalls. She had to be happy for her friend even though she felt sad that she hadn’t been promoted and yet they seemed to have been making achievements at the same pace.
Bob Gunn, co-author of On the High Wire: How to survive Being Promoted, a career guide book, mentions that having feelings such as Rosette’s is normal.
“Don’t feel guilty, if along with your good feelings for your friend, you also feel a tangle of negative emotion: jealousy. ‘Why her and not me?’†However, you ought to talk it over with a counsellor if you feel demoralised in order to get back on track without destroying your friendship.
Although such changes are bound to happen, you can never entirely be ready for the challenges that might arise.
“No matter how hard you both prepared for the new role, promotion brings a host of surprises,†Gunn writes. “There’s a chasm between watching/critiquing the boss and actually being the one responsible for sustaining an environment in which everyone can do good work. Your old friend/new boss has stepped out on a high wire, alone, juggling new problems and pressures, demands and decisions. From that perspective, turn your attention from what your new boss could or should do for you to how you can help him or her succeed –- benefiting you and the company, as well as your friend,†he advises.
If your new boss is truly your best friend, such is the time you support them to fit into their new role.
Tips
Betsy Gullickson, Gunn’s co-author, suggests the following:
Be clear about roles. If you have a problem looking at your friend in that light, have respect for their new position.
After dealing with your negative feelings, support your boss in the best way that you possibly can.
Use your special history and shared knowledge of insecurities to help your new boss keep her bearings.
Appreciate that it will take a while before you adjust to the change in your relationship.
Don’t tell everyone in the office that you and the boss are best friends.
This could trigger rumours of favouritism.
Don’t test your relationship by over stepping your boundaries, by say not doing what the boss wants.
Keep your mind on work while at the office, you can socialise later.
Avoid making it hard for your boss to give you instructions.
Avoid private meetings in your office; it will be questioned by the other subordinates.
There is certain information you can’t share with your friend once you have stepped up the employment ladder.
Be cooperative and submissive instead of challenging her every decision.
It is not appropriate to gossip about other co-workers, if you did so before.
Discuss the changes with your friend. The outcome will of course depend on how close you were before she got promoted.