Why women torture their step children
IN 1992, I interviewed women who were imprisoned for either grievously injuring or killing their husbands’ children. Aisha Nabukeera – now a household name – brings back memories of harrowing stories of child abuse I came across in my study.
By Dr. Lillian Tibatemwa-Ekirikubinza
IN 1992, I interviewed women who were imprisoned for either grievously injuring or killing their husbands’ children. Aisha Nabukeera – now a household name – brings back memories of harrowing stories of child abuse I came across in my study.
In Uganda’s patrilineal society, children “belong†to their fathers. Under the customary practices of most communities, when a marriage breaks down, the man has an “automatic†right to custody of the couple’s children. When a man fathers a child as a result of an extra-marital relationship, he is expected to remove the child from its mother so that the child can be brought up in the father’s home.
I opine that the underlying concept of “child ownership†or children being “paternal property†is a form of child abuse. It ignores the welfare principle in child rights law which demands that in determining issues concerning children, child custody being an example, the best interest of the child must be paramount. “Ownership of children†treats the “owner’s†interest as supreme.
Society gives the wife the roles of home maker and child minder, but she has no decisive say in the home she makes and the children she minds need not be her offspring. What is of essence is that the children “belong†to her husband. The man as “head of the family†decides who should live in the home. He is the ultimate authority and the wife need not be consulted.
This is evidence of hierarchical power relations within the family. What is given to the wife is the responsibility to physically look after her husband’s children whether born to her or to other women, whether born before or after her marriage to the children’s father.
Sometimes children born to other women are subjected to various forms of abuse, often culminating into permanent deformity and death. The presence of stepchildren in homes has been recognised as a risk factor for spousal conflict in several communities. Sometimes the conflict translates into abuse of the most vulnerable in the family – children.
As stated by Wilson and Daly back in 1992: “Stepparents are much more often hostile toward their wards than are natural parents.â€
Interviews with prisoners indicated that wives are often not consulted before stepchildren are handed over to them for care. Kayita, who was accused of strangling a six-year-old stepson said:
“My husband had an on and off extramarital affair with a woman. He decided to bring the child to live with us.â€
Did your husband ask you whether you would be willing to look after the child? I asked.
“No, he just told me he would bring the child … â€
Asked about her marriage, Kayita said:
“That woman was my problem. We fought over her several times, my husband would send me away, bring her into my home … after quarrelling with the woman, he would send her away and bring me back.â€
Kayita denied having killed the little boy. However, the question is: in circumstances of marital disharmony arising out of the husband’s extra-marital affair with woman X, should the child of X ever be handed over to the wife?
Society assumes that women are psychologically prepared to care for any child, that women have an instinctive, natural ability and interest in caring for any child.
This assumption is stretched to such an extent that when a woman is imprisoned for killing the child of a co-wife, or for attempting to kill her co-wife, the imprisoned woman’s children are handed over to the woman she attempted to kill or whose child the imprisoned woman is suspected to have killed! Kayita’s children were handed over to the woman whose child she was accused of killing.
Natukunda attempted to murder her co-wife. Asked why her children had not been taken to her parents’ home and were instead in the hands of that co-wife, Natukunda said “Their father could never agree to such an arrangement. The children had to stay in his home.â€
Women’s violence against stepchildren may be a result of patriarchal society which gives the male the final say in family matters. It is a result of societal practices which limit a woman’s range of options.
As Straus et al (1980: 242) said of the American family, in Uganda: The family is the outstanding example of a social institution which assigns jobs and responsibilities based on a person’s sex … rather than interest, competence, or ability. As long as we expect … women to care for children because they are female, we are going to have potential conflict and violence in the home.
And regrettably, the most injured victims may be children.
The writer is an Associate Professor of Law, Makerere University
IN 1992, I interviewed women who were imprisoned for either grievously injuring or killing their husbands’ children. Aisha Nabukeera – now a household name – brings back memories of harrowing stories of child abuse I came across in my study.
In Uganda’s patrilineal society, children “belong†to their fathers. Under the customary practices of most communities, when a marriage breaks down, the man has an “automatic†right to custody of the couple’s children. When a man fathers a child as a result of an extra-marital relationship, he is expected to remove the child from its mother so that the child can be brought up in the father’s home.
I opine that the underlying concept of “child ownership†or children being “paternal property†is a form of child abuse. It ignores the welfare principle in child rights law which demands that in determining issues concerning children, child custody being an example, the best interest of the child must be paramount. “Ownership of children†treats the “owner’s†interest as supreme.
Society gives the wife the roles of home maker and child minder, but she has no decisive say in the home she makes and the children she minds need not be her offspring. What is of essence is that the children “belong†to her husband. The man as “head of the family†decides who should live in the home. He is the ultimate authority and the wife need not be consulted.
This is evidence of hierarchical power relations within the family. What is given to the wife is the responsibility to physically look after her husband’s children whether born to her or to other women, whether born before or after her marriage to the children’s father.
Sometimes children born to other women are subjected to various forms of abuse, often culminating into permanent deformity and death. The presence of stepchildren in homes has been recognised as a risk factor for spousal conflict in several communities. Sometimes the conflict translates into abuse of the most vulnerable in the family – children.
As stated by Wilson and Daly back in 1992: “Stepparents are much more often hostile toward their wards than are natural parents.â€
Interviews with prisoners indicated that wives are often not consulted before stepchildren are handed over to them for care. Kayita, who was accused of strangling a six-year-old stepson said:
“My husband had an on and off extramarital affair with a woman. He decided to bring the child to live with us.â€
Did your husband ask you whether you would be willing to look after the child? I asked.
“No, he just told me he would bring the child … â€
Asked about her marriage, Kayita said:
“That woman was my problem. We fought over her several times, my husband would send me away, bring her into my home … after quarrelling with the woman, he would send her away and bring me back.â€
Kayita denied having killed the little boy. However, the question is: in circumstances of marital disharmony arising out of the husband’s extra-marital affair with woman X, should the child of X ever be handed over to the wife?
Society assumes that women are psychologically prepared to care for any child, that women have an instinctive, natural ability and interest in caring for any child.
This assumption is stretched to such an extent that when a woman is imprisoned for killing the child of a co-wife, or for attempting to kill her co-wife, the imprisoned woman’s children are handed over to the woman she attempted to kill or whose child the imprisoned woman is suspected to have killed! Kayita’s children were handed over to the woman whose child she was accused of killing.
Natukunda attempted to murder her co-wife. Asked why her children had not been taken to her parents’ home and were instead in the hands of that co-wife, Natukunda said “Their father could never agree to such an arrangement. The children had to stay in his home.â€
Women’s violence against stepchildren may be a result of patriarchal society which gives the male the final say in family matters. It is a result of societal practices which limit a woman’s range of options.
As Straus et al (1980: 242) said of the American family, in Uganda: The family is the outstanding example of a social institution which assigns jobs and responsibilities based on a person’s sex … rather than interest, competence, or ability. As long as we expect … women to care for children because they are female, we are going to have potential conflict and violence in the home.
And regrettably, the most injured victims may be children.
The writer is an Associate Professor of Law, Makerere University