Relationships: What teens think
Sep 04, 2005
A few parents can have the guts to listen to their daughter’s confession of having a boyfriend. Perhaps, this explains why fewer understand what a boyfriend is. As a result, many questions remain unanswered. What exactly does your teenage daughter mean when she says she has a boyfriend?
A few parents can have the guts to listen to their daughter’s confession of having a boyfriend. Perhaps, this explains why fewer understand what a boyfriend is. As a result, many questions remain unanswered. What exactly does your teenage daughter mean when she says she has a boyfriend?
Have you met your teenage son’s girlfriend? Timothy Makokha sought out school-going teenagers on what their boyfriends and girlfriends mean to them:
Alice Namugawe, 16, S4 lakeside College Luzira: I find no problem having a boyfriend, but my mum would never consent. I would find it hard to tell my mum about him. I wish mum would understand that my relationship with my boyfriend is everything except sexual. However, if she learnt of my boyfriend, she should know that he is a friend I trust. Apart from my mum, I would confide in him when overwhelmed. We would discuss our tastes and preferences. I would share private family issues with him. At some point, we would discuss our future. However, I avoid making tough promises because a boyfriend can use them to his desires. I hate it when I am instructed on how to run my life.
Wilson Musinguzi, 14, S1, Bugema Adventist: A lot of people have girlfriends, but my parents would be mad if they found out I had one. They may not understand that these are just friends and not lovers. I would tell my girlfriends about my family background and would buy them birthday cards, if I had the money. However, I would never tell my parents about my girlfriends because this would get me punished. After university, my girlfriend would become my lover. She would accompany me to the beach and we would get children thereafter.
Morine Murathe, 16, S4, Lakeside College Luzira: There are boyfriends, but there is also a boyfriend. He is special in a different way. It is with a boyfriend that we discuss private issues. This special boyfriend is about love and marriage. With a boyfriend, people share promises of unending love and being there for each other. Unfortunately, this type of boyfriend can also ask for sex sometimes. I am lucky it has not happened, but when it happens, I do not know what I will do.
Innocent Kasozi, 15, S2 Paul Mukasa College: I have no girlfriend, but even if I had, I am not sure about what I would do with her. I have friends who have girlfriends and they keep ‘hanging’ out together. Perhaps, I would also take my girlfriend to night clubs. I can never allow my parents to know about our relationship. But if they got to know, they would have to live with it because she is simply a special one among the many friends I have. I could end up marrying her.
Sanusa Maimuna, 17, S2, Sumayya Girls’ High School, Nsangi: I do not have a boyfriend, but there is this boy who drives me crazy whenever I see him. He is nice and I would not mind him being my boyfriend. He is this special person I would trust. He would help me through my problems just by listening to what I am going through. We would also share our joys together. I would tell my parents about him. They should allow him to visit me at home when they are around. If he wants us to go out, then I will invite my sisters and brothers to join us. Because my boyfriend is special, we would also discuss about future careers and a possible marriage.
Monica Obonyo, 19, S4 Lakeside College Luzira: A boyfriend would be a part of me, but I cannot think of any way to introduce him to my parents. My parents would be so disappointed if they learnt that I had a boyfriend. They would give many reasons as to why he was not suitable for me. According to them, he might not be handsome and may not have a good family background and how I am not yet ready for a relationships. However, if they asked me, they will realise that a boyfriend is just one of those things you need to have for life to make meaning. He is no ordinary friend because at some point in life, I want him to be part of my life. But first, we should know each other.
Faith Muwanguzi, 13, S1, Muyallen High School: I have many boyfriends and have no problem showing them to my parents. These are friends who share in our experiences. We laugh at them, they laugh at us, we laugh together, but nobody takes offence. I know my boyfriends and they know me too, but they don’t criticise me. Because I don’t have private time with any of them, chances of being forced into sex are limited.
HANDLING RELATIONSHIPS
Teenagers and parents perceive friendship differently. Before drawing conclusions, find out what the teenager means by ‘boyfriend or girlfriend’.
Listen, dig deeper and find out more. When a teenager tells you of a boyfriend or girlfriend, it could be a cry for help. It is asking ‘what do I do?’
Casually suggest inviting your teenager’s boy or girlfriend over with some other friends so that you can get to know them better. The meeting does not have to be formal. Teenagers will relate more responsibly if both families know about the relationship. Know your teenagers’ closest friends of the opposite sex. This gives a child more accountability than when they interact secretly.
Interpersonal relationship with the opposite sex is healthy, but must be handled with care. You cannot help your teenager by being hostile. A teenager who tells you of a friend of the opposite sex needs you to draw closer and instill in them essential skills.
To a teenager, hostility communicates parental rejection. When teenagers feel rejected, they seek solace in drugs and peer groups.
Keep communication channels open. Teenagers need help on how to relate with the opposite sex. Help them understand their boundaries and that friendship can remain healthy without having sex.
Have you met your teenage son’s girlfriend? Timothy Makokha sought out school-going teenagers on what their boyfriends and girlfriends mean to them:
Alice Namugawe, 16, S4 lakeside College Luzira: I find no problem having a boyfriend, but my mum would never consent. I would find it hard to tell my mum about him. I wish mum would understand that my relationship with my boyfriend is everything except sexual. However, if she learnt of my boyfriend, she should know that he is a friend I trust. Apart from my mum, I would confide in him when overwhelmed. We would discuss our tastes and preferences. I would share private family issues with him. At some point, we would discuss our future. However, I avoid making tough promises because a boyfriend can use them to his desires. I hate it when I am instructed on how to run my life.
Wilson Musinguzi, 14, S1, Bugema Adventist: A lot of people have girlfriends, but my parents would be mad if they found out I had one. They may not understand that these are just friends and not lovers. I would tell my girlfriends about my family background and would buy them birthday cards, if I had the money. However, I would never tell my parents about my girlfriends because this would get me punished. After university, my girlfriend would become my lover. She would accompany me to the beach and we would get children thereafter.
Morine Murathe, 16, S4, Lakeside College Luzira: There are boyfriends, but there is also a boyfriend. He is special in a different way. It is with a boyfriend that we discuss private issues. This special boyfriend is about love and marriage. With a boyfriend, people share promises of unending love and being there for each other. Unfortunately, this type of boyfriend can also ask for sex sometimes. I am lucky it has not happened, but when it happens, I do not know what I will do.
Innocent Kasozi, 15, S2 Paul Mukasa College: I have no girlfriend, but even if I had, I am not sure about what I would do with her. I have friends who have girlfriends and they keep ‘hanging’ out together. Perhaps, I would also take my girlfriend to night clubs. I can never allow my parents to know about our relationship. But if they got to know, they would have to live with it because she is simply a special one among the many friends I have. I could end up marrying her.
Sanusa Maimuna, 17, S2, Sumayya Girls’ High School, Nsangi: I do not have a boyfriend, but there is this boy who drives me crazy whenever I see him. He is nice and I would not mind him being my boyfriend. He is this special person I would trust. He would help me through my problems just by listening to what I am going through. We would also share our joys together. I would tell my parents about him. They should allow him to visit me at home when they are around. If he wants us to go out, then I will invite my sisters and brothers to join us. Because my boyfriend is special, we would also discuss about future careers and a possible marriage.
Monica Obonyo, 19, S4 Lakeside College Luzira: A boyfriend would be a part of me, but I cannot think of any way to introduce him to my parents. My parents would be so disappointed if they learnt that I had a boyfriend. They would give many reasons as to why he was not suitable for me. According to them, he might not be handsome and may not have a good family background and how I am not yet ready for a relationships. However, if they asked me, they will realise that a boyfriend is just one of those things you need to have for life to make meaning. He is no ordinary friend because at some point in life, I want him to be part of my life. But first, we should know each other.
Faith Muwanguzi, 13, S1, Muyallen High School: I have many boyfriends and have no problem showing them to my parents. These are friends who share in our experiences. We laugh at them, they laugh at us, we laugh together, but nobody takes offence. I know my boyfriends and they know me too, but they don’t criticise me. Because I don’t have private time with any of them, chances of being forced into sex are limited.
HANDLING RELATIONSHIPS