Why is your partner very quiet?

By Emmanuel Buufu

In life, we encounter different situations, most of which are caused by fellow humans. It is however amazing how different people react to different situations around them.

When you visit pubs, you will not fail to notice someone who reacts aggressively even to the smallest thing done to him. Being his friend will not stop him from shouting at you if you accidentally spilled his drink.

In another corner, you may notice someone who doesn’t seem to be bothered by anything.

When you walk into any office, you may notice someone seeking attention from everyone. And you will be forgiven if you thought that person was the boss.

A friend narrates a story of a man who got into a fight with the DJ because the music was turned off, yet he still wanted to dance. Other men, although disappointed, walked away in silence. The same guy who got into a fight with the DJ was always known to confront everyone who spoke to his girlfriend.

One time, while in a taxi, a conductor asked the driver to turn down the volume of the radio so that a passenger could make a phone call. The driver took his time, but when the volume was eventually reduced, the passenger was still angry. He complained for the next 20 minutes, accusing the driver of taking long. Even pleas from passengers for him to calm down were in vain.

In another taxi, I encountered a totally different personality. The conductor was so calm, that when he forgot to return my change, he quickly accepted the blame and apologised for his mistake. 

Such different personalities are what the English termed extroverts and Introverts. But what causes men to behave differently under such circumstances?

Joseph Musaalo, a counsellor at Uganda Christian University, Mukono defines an extrovert as one who capitalises his energy when people are around him. This is because he expresses feelings, thoughts and perceptions while an introvert capitalises his energy when he is to himself. In this, he also expresses feelings, thoughts and perceptions.

Beat Bisangwa, a personal empowerment consultant in Kampala, defines an extrovert as a self expressing person who thinks aloud, is more in search of the outside world and looks confident, while an introvert is usually quiet and analyses issues internally. “They have a unique way of handling issues around them, dealing with themselves and they tend to keep themselves in the background,” Bisangwa says of introverts.

According to Musaalo, everyone quarrels. However, he adds, the magnitude will be the difference.
It is not one’s choice to determine whether to be extrovert or introvert. There are factors which contribute to extroversion or introversion.

Musaalo says some personalities are a result of up bringing. In cases where the child had strict parents and did not get the opportunity ‘to be a child’, it will hinder the child from being free and open. Spanking him each time he makes a mistake will result into fear to do or say anything without really thinking about it.

A child’s development is partly contributed to by the environment. A child who grows up in a gated home and is restricted from playing with friendsoutside the fence will learn to keep to himself, compared to one whose environment is not restricted.

Personalities are also genetically determined. A child could possibly pick it from the parents.

Duncan Ndahura, a medical officer at International Hospital, Kampala, says at birth, the child gets half of each chromosome from the parents and the genes responsible for personality traits are carried within these chromosomes.
It is believed that extroverts tend to fade when alone and can easily become bored without other people around.

They also tend to think as they speak, unlike introverts who are more likely to think before they talk. Most people believe that an extrovert is a person who is friendly and outgoing. While that may be true, it is not the true version of extroversion.
As ladies take their time to choose an ideal person for a partner, their choice will differ, depending.

Jackie Lumbasi, a broadcaster, says it is easier dealing with an extrovert who openly brings out what hurts him, compared to an introvert who leaves you wondering what you should do next.

As an individual, when you notice that your personality causes problems, you need to figure out what trait is dragging you down.

It is important to know how to deal with each personality. Acknowledging someone’s weakness helps you live in a harmonius society. It is worth noting that we are all different.

Advantages of dating an introvert
 May be a faithful friend
 Is often dependable
 Most times is analytical, gifted and a perfectionist with a sensitive emotional nature
 Has a high indigenous conscience

Disadvantages
 Is often self-centered
Often permissive and feels the problem of the project before hand
Sometimes walks in self pity, fear and is weak to criticism
Often times lives in a dream world since they are often not satisfied with the present

Advantages of dating an extrovert
 Has an appealing personality
 Lifts the spirits of everyone
 Has a good sense of  humour
 Is warm and lively
Lives in the present and has many friends

Disadvantages
 Is most times restless
 Emotionally unstable
 Easily forgets resolutions, appointments and obligations
 Easily compromises to gain approval