To be or to be seen as...?

Sep 22, 2011

IT is official. I am not worried of WikiLeaks. This is because whenever I am drunk, there is no US ambassador to ask me about my opinion on Government’s oil secrets.

By Hilary Bainemigisha

IT is official. I am not worried of WikiLeaks. This is because whenever I am drunk, there is no US ambassador to ask me about my opinion on Government’s oil secrets.

My secrets end up in the ears of some inebriated fellow, who cannot even make me a celeb by going to WikiLeaks. Now the nation is missing out on the not-so-flattering ideas I would have piled into the envoy’s ear, especially about the secret oil deals.

Speaking of secret oil deals, in my lifetime, I have seen few cases where drilling oil becomes public info and I am not very young. In most cases, when it is being done, the characters involved lose all their sobriety and behave like lunatics – Throw off clothes, start shouting incomprehensible words to no one in particular and taking fun in tears and mourning – instead of offering sympathy.

No wonder, few are comfortable with exposure; narrative, graphics in 3D, HD and visual impressions. We all prefer to be seen as sane, peace loving, patriotic people, who think oil drilling in Dr. Love is obscene. Yet we read on.

That is human nature. We have two sides and want the official one to be seen: And the official one is often doctored and thriving on social misconception as the following study will show.

A research was done among 40 university male students of age 20 to 24 years. They were given two scenarios and asked to choose either.

Scenario A: There is a dazzling beauty at campus who everyone is wishing for himself. She is always the centre of attraction, and so, everybody wants to be seen with her. You actually fear to compete and carry on your mesmerisation from afar. Then, one day during your vacation, you meet at a village party, where you happen to be the only campusers around. You mingle, easily have fun and drink enough alcohol to impair your judgements.

In the morning, you cannot believe that you actually visited her Albertine region for oil. But no one who knows you saw you and, therefore, the whole campus collapses in a heap of laughter when you allege that you slept with her. No one, not even your best friend, can believe your sex story.

Scenario 2: Refer to A above, but only up to mesmerisation from afar. Then after a group discussion, you become close and she actually decides to visit you after supper. This is big news in the vicinity, especially because you make sure she arrives when many people can see.

Then you lock yourselves inside for the whole night. But nothing happens – nothing at all. But the whole campus swears that something happens.

QUESTION: Which of these two scenarios would you want to be associated with? One where you are said to have had ultimate intimacy with Miss University when you did not or where you actually had and no one believes?

The majority of campus boys (76% – so do the calculation) voted for Scenario B!!! I swear!

It is better to be thought of as having drilling rights by many than doing the actual drilling no one knows about, they said. What matters, according to them, is what others think of us, not what we are.

That explains a man’s mind. At a certain level, men want to be seen as being something regardless of whether they are that something. We want to be thought of as rich so we borrow clothes. We want to be thought of as sophisticated, so we add Rs to all our words.

We want to be thought of as bright, so we pretend to be Dr. Love. Yet, the easier way would be to actually be rich or sophisticated or bright first, so that society can see and think so. But that, apparently, is a very long route and we are impatient.

The lesson is simple. In all your intimate dealings, first understand what your partner wants you to know about them, then look for an alternative source of information. Sometimes, WikiLeaks will help you.

People who sing the president’s praises are often exposed whispering the opposite in some envoy’s ear. Other times, you have to use your nose, if you know what I am saying.

You should have seen us during our campus days if you had not snailed your way into this world. Beer that time cost the price of a teacher’s salary then. So, to visit an uncle and drink it was a loss because none of your campus friends has seen.

And, unfortunately, people who drink one bottle are not labelled, so no one would guess unless you wrote a placard and moved around with it saying clearly: Do not joke with me; I have just had a beer.

Our general preference was to be given that beer bottle and we go with it to campus. Whereupon we sit by the dining hall steps during supper time when everybody is moving in for food and drink it with deliberate slowness, but with flippant spirit as if we are drinking what we are used to.

Then your ratings would improve. That would be total utility – being seen as not being.

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