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LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

Dear Counsellor,

While at work, I like keeping to myself, do my work, and go home. However, my workmates (both male and female) have this pseudo-family thing going for them. 

They go out for drinks, celebrate each other’s birthdays, and give each other presents. This is not company policy per se, but the team has a thing going. Unfortunately, I am not interested in this kind of socializing with workmates. 

Secondly, I financially cannot afford the frequency of socializing and gift-giving. More so, I do not have a car, and returning home after socializing would be a problem. 

However, I have realized that the friendship is also extending to assignments.

I am always willing to do my work as efficiently as possible, but now I am no longer put on special projects. Even in meetings, people come with already agreed-on stances. I have realized that this is going to hinder my growth on the job.

Please help

Anxious woman

Dear anxious woman,

You are the best judge of your capabilities, needs, and your priorities. Obviously, in life people make decisions based on the facts as they know them and what they believe works best for them. 

In your case, the decision you took to only focus on your work and go home has had consequences that you do not like. Moreover, while the organization looks at your work from the formal perspective, the informal process that often takes place even outside of the workplace facilitates team building within the organizational setting. 

This is precisely what you might be missing out on. This is not to mean that your choice is not appropriate as it seems to be informed by your financial position, values, temperament, and character.

However, given that your relationship with the other staff members and the entire process of organizational socialization is being negatively affected by your decision, you may wish to reconsider adjusting your approach to managing your work-life balance.

You indicate that you are not given assignments that have financial benefits. If this is the case and you want to be a beneficially of these assignments, you must be prepared a little in social investment just as your colleagues are doing. 

Nevertheless, this requires you to be strategic in selecting how and where you invest. 

You do not have to attend all the social functions given your financial status may not support such high expenditures and the location of some of the functions may limit your movements since you have no personal vehicle. 

The critical issue is for you to strike a balance between you as an individual and that which can help you to belong as well as promote your career growth and development.

Clemence Byomuhangi,
Mental Health and Psychosocial Counselling Psychologist