Uganda’s womanhood on sale — for 50k!

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OPINION

WHAT’S UP!

There is an old country song in which a young boy asks to be paid for the chores he does at home: like making his bed, mowing the lawn, going to the shops, and putting his toys away.

So, the mother turns the paper over and writes all the things she has done for him at no charge: like carrying him for nine months, all the nights she sat up watching over him when he was sick, all the pain and tears he had caused her through the years, all the clothes and toys she bought and he had broken, and all the times she had wiped both his nose and his backside. Total cost? No charge.

Let us leave that entitled young lad for a bit, and tackle this thing about dating a Ugandan girl for 50k that is giving our citizens sleepless nights. Some ka-TV host is the immediate cause, although it had come up earlier.

The question, as being discussed, is how much should a man give a Ugandan girl after a date? The going rate, according to Kampala guys, is 50k. That is too low, the girls counter. That ka-TV host attempted to itemise what she would bring to the date: dress she wore – 200k, make-up – 70k, Uber — 30k. Total – more than 300k; and you give her 50k? And the debate raged on, but it was mostly about how much should be given to the girl. Even some ‘respectable’ women chimed in, with one saying it depended on how a girl presented herself. That a man may give 50k to one girl, and 500k to another.

Very few, if any, questioned the fact that in Uganda today, a man has to pay a girl for a date. Missing in all this was the fact that there is a certain name and it has existed for millennia, that is given to a woman whose favours a man has to pay for.

It is a really confusing state of affairs. In a time when women are fi ghting for emancipation and independence, and seem to be getting there, why would women insist on being paid for, well, being women? You are selling your emancipation and independence for 50k?

So, how does it work? Imagine this guy is in a board meeting somewhere, they are all managers, and there is this very pleasant woman across the table. Their eyes meet, something clicks, and after the meeting they agree to have a drink somewhere.

They end up in this nice and cosy place, have a good time, and at the end, the guy calls for the check and pays it. Even gives the waitress a generous tip, because he was feeling good. As they leave and promise to do it again, does the guy say: “...here’s 50k for your trouble?” and does the woman manager then do the lists thing? The Lexus I drove here – 500k, the de Marly Valaya perfume – 100k, the Cartier watch on my wrist – 100k, the Hermès bag I am carrying — 500k, and the Sene suit I am wearing – 100k. Total – about sh2m.

Now it is the guy’s turn, and probably does what that lady up there did to her son. Turns the lady manager’s list over and writes: for the five mornings a week in the gym to work on the body that caught your eye – no charge; the confidence and guts it took to isolate you in the boardroom and ask for a date – no charge; the effort to keep the evening going smoothly – no charge; all the jokes and stories to entertain you – no charge.

Depending on how the evening went, all the work put in to give you a toe-curling night – no charge; having to change the bedding the morning after (and with some of you Ugandan women, might have to change the mattress, too) – no charge. Total? You owe me!

But, seriously, the Ugandan dating scene has become just an escort service. Escort agencies are the ones that will charge by what the woman is wearing, or how they got there. And for services rendered thereafter.

So, here is what is going to happen. Every time you want to date a Ugandan girl, ask upfront how much they want after the date. Then ask to see what you are paying for. Ask them to turn around in all directions. Some of you more callous ones might even want to get a feel, in case the ‘date’ turns up wearing fake body parts.

But, in the end, why even bother with the date? Why waste all that time with boring conversations, warm beer and lousy food when you all know how it is going to end? So, next time you meet a Ugandan girl you like, just ask: “How much?”, because we all know they are selling, and you are buying.

And that little boy who wanted to be paid for the chores he did? After reading what his mum wrote down, he got the paper and wrote, ‘PAID IN FULL’. If only Ugandan girls were like that.

You can follow Kalungi Kabuye on X @KalungiKabuye