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For Christian marriages to be fruitful, couples must be content and tolerant of each other, Ceazer Ojatum, a female preacher in Mbale city, has said. 

“It is high time we shifted goalposts into tackling the toxic marriage issues that are causing rampant break-ups in our society,” Ojatum says, adding: “Many Christian families are breaking up because men are either naked or missing from their roles or homes".  

Ojatum, who is a senior minister at Impact Ministries International, observed that infidelity and poor management of sexual-related rights by couples were leading to "toxic marriages" 

“I’m just eager to tackle the rampant new abnormal trend that is shuttering marriages apart in our society,” she says.

“Many Christian families are breaking up because men are either spiritually naked or missing from their roles or homes,” Ojatum adds.  

She has asked married Christian men to be faithful to their wives and be available to play their complete role in marriage. 

Under attack

“The Christian family is under attack and this phenomenon is in a sense of malaise and fatigue sweeping our societies away hence weakening the Ugandan workforce, apparently culminating in mediocrity and lawlessness because the founding unit of a country is broken and needs fixing family.  

According to her, today, there is a common desire to do less by most married men 'while expecting much, leaving the burden to women'. 

“This is against the reality that men are leaders and as the adage goes: ‘/to whom much is given, much is expected’. So, men must lead from the front. 

“Through writing, I intend to reach out to game-changers so as to inspire them into realisation of the current situation and it’s them who will help transform our decaying societies,” Ojatum said.  

In her book: Men where are you? Ojatum argues, “we see men everywhere, but have you ever wondered why most of the families are not what they are meant to be in the eyes of the Lord? Could there be a possibility that the heads of these families are nowhere to be seen by God spiritually and in relation to their sole responsibilities? In Genesis 3:9 we see the Lord calling upon Adam asking him: “Where are thou?” God was seeing Adam physically, but he was not feeling him spiritually". 

Good sex takes center stage

“Like Adam, there are so many married men who are naked and missing nowadays in their families’ spiritual realm though you can physically see them moving on the streets, offices, churches and homes,” she said.  

Explaining her naked men rhetoric, Ojatum said most married men tend to be available physically in their relationships but are not measuring up to their assigned responsibilities.  

“They do not know if the family has supplies or not. These men are also failing to offer sufficient and effective conjugal rights (sex) to their spouses or guide their children. I meet so many women who will admittedly confess being both a father and mother in their families, yet their men are still living,” Ojatum said.  

She said whenever men fail to stand up to the occasion, some of their women are tempted to seek “satisfaction outside wedlock which is equally evil”. 

"When it comes to conjugal rights, most Ugandan men possess a self-centred attitude in such a way that once they are satisfied, the game is over, and he is running to work. Are you sure that when you are satisfied sexually even your spouse is feeling the same? Make sure you are certain because it takes two to tangle,” she says. 

“These are overlooked details in marriage which can cause a storm in a teacup, which usually culminates in unfaithfulness – infidelity,” Ojatum adds. 

Numbers don't lie 

Her claims are justified by the fact that in Elgon region alone, the Police Child and Family Protection Unit registers an average of 200 marriage break-up-related incidents- every month. 

"While a few of these cases are amended after intervention by our officers in the Child and Family Protection Unit, the majority of couples are bent towards dissolving their marriages," Rogers Taitika, Elgon Police region spokesperson said on Saturday. 

"There is a need to encourage concerned individuals to help the Police to address the problem of shaky marriages," he added.

According to Police, about 15 per cent of the cases received monthly culminate in either murder, attempted murder, child neglect and street life. 

In the national prevalence study conducted by the Ministry of Gender, Labour and Social Development in 2018, 39% of women and 11% of men have ever experienced sexual violence and 60% of women and 53% of men have experienced physical violence since the age of 15.