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Lounge noun - a public room in a hotel, theatre, or club in which to sit and relax.

I think the first time I knew of a place referred to as a lounge was when Club Silk expanded their premises, installed another bar they called ‘Oxygen’, and renamed the original ‘Silk Lounge’. So, if anyone wanted to know where you were and you told them ‘the lounge’, they knew you were in the more serene part of Club Silk, away from the smoke-filled and ‘anything goes’ ‘Oxygen’.

It has been quite a while since Club Silk closed its doors, sadly, but now there are lounges everywhere you look.

But, what goes into the naming of a pub? Britain probably has some of the oldest pubs in the world, and some of the pub names are legendary.

According to Albert Jack, author of the book, The Old Dog and Duck: The Secret Meanings of Pub Names, back in the days when many Englishmen were illiterate, the habit was to display a picture outside a public meeting place (hence Pub, you get it?), which became known by the picture displayed. Thus names like the Plough, Horseshoe, Haystack, King’s Head, or Drunken Duck.

Later on, those public places were named after English heroes, like Nelson, or Wellington, or even famous places like Waterloo. So, some of the most popular pub names in England are Red Lion, The Swan, Railway Tavern, Black Horse, Cricketers, Bulls Head and Travellers’ Rest.

But some of them have real stories to tell, like ‘The Elusive Camel’, whose owner reportedly could not find his camel after it went walkabouts. Then there is The Crooked House which was actually crooked after mining activities led to its leaning heavily to one side. It was recently demolished after a fire gutted it, but local authorities have since ordered the new owner to rebuild it the way it was.

The Nowhere Inn reportedly got its name from its male patrons who, when asked by their wives where they had been, reportedly answered ‘nowhere’.

Have you ever wondered how folks in Uganda name pubs? The older ones used to have some originality, apart from The Pub on Dewinton Road, duh! There were the likes of Slow Boat, La Bella, City Bar, White Nile, and so on. Of course, there was The Deep, with its sister pub down the road named Shallow End. That was very creative, I think.

So how do people in Uganda name pubs these days? ‘Something Lounge’. Every suburb in Kampala has a pub named lounge. There is The Lounge (no prizes of originality there), Fame Lounge, Hideout Lounge, Isabella Lounge, Catwalk Lounge, Method Lounge, La Venti Lounge, YOLO Lounge, and so on ad nauseam. Ugandans are not very big on originality, are we?

Now, what if Ugandans got creative in their naming of pubs? Here are some names I think would be suitable. The Pothole Pub would need no explanation to anybody, with Kampala being the ‘pothole capital’ of the world. How come we don’t have pubs named kafunda this, or kafunda that? Lots of people used to drink in Wandegeya, and for some reason started referring to it as ‘German Town’. So, German Pub, anybody?

It is interesting that many drinking joints in Uganda actually had names, and there was always a Maama Brown joint somewhere. So why not Maama Brown Pub instead? Or Beere Denne Inn? What about the ‘For Credit Come Tomorrow Pub’?

A shout out to Old Timerz, which for 10 years, has kept its tradition of playing oldies music. Those old English pubs would be proud of you folks. Then there is Kimese, somewhere in Ntinda, too. Apparently, it got its name from the time it had a resident rodent; not a name to inspire patronage, but it has stuck, and the patronage just keeps growing.

Back to possible pub names in Uganda. Given our recent history, I bet many folks would go to the ‘We Want Jennifer Back Pub’, wherever it might be. Some would joyfully patronise the Olde Seya Pub, or the ‘Our Economy is Swiii Bar & Grill’.

If we really put our creative hats on, we would have pubs named Kabaka this and Kabaka that around Mengo; and I bet Namirembe would have a Missionary Pub somewhere, with the owner having to explain to curious patrons whether it refers to the travelling Christian guys that showed up with the Bible and the gun in the 19th century, or the recreational position.

How come we do not have a Masiro Bar in Kasubi? And why would someone name a Namugongo pub a Lounge, when they have all those names to pick from? I would love a drink in the St Charles Lwanga Pub, I bet the spirits would go down really well there. What about a ‘Traffic Jam Bar’ in Kireka, Bweyogerere or Kyengera? Come on Ugandans, get creative!

Then there is the wave of new apartment blocks being built everywhere there is space, and money which can’t be put in a bank. And once they are built, they have to be named, of course. Someone once named an apartment block ‘heights’, and did us a real disservice. Because now almost every new apartment block is named ‘something Heights’. You have Bukoto Heights, then Ntinda Heights, Najjera Heights, Nowhere Heights, Valley Heights, Hill Heights, Sky Heights, and Ground Heights.

Ugandans can put you to sleep with these Heights, and moreover they miss out on the real interesting heights, the substance-induced ones.

You can follow Kalungi Kabuye on X @KalungiKabuye