How to face regret and turn it into growth

Regret can cut deeply, especially when we know we could have done better, but acted out of pride, poor judgment, limited information, or even ill will. Some regrets come too late, after someone has died or when the damage we've caused can’t be undone.

Whether it's a missed opportunity, a broken relationship, or a decision we wish we could take back, regret often leaves us stuck. Maybe you dismissed someone who turned out to be right, ignored a business idea that made others millions, or treated someone badly only to realise their worth when it was too late.

In moments like these, regret can cast a long shadow, draining peace and halting progress. But while regret is painful, it doesn’t have to be permanent. In this article, counsellors share how to overcome it and move forward.

No matter how heavy regret feels, it doesn’t have to trap you. Healing and growth are still possible.
 
Pr. Elios Bizimenyera of Gospel Church Kazzo urges those weighed down by regret to open up to someone they trust—a friend, counsellor, or spiritual leader. “When you share your story, the burden lightens,” she says. “You realise you’re not alone, and a way forward begins to appear.”

Letting go of the past is crucial. Bizimenyera echoes St. Paul’s words: “Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead.”

Family counsellor Allan Obbo agrees. “I only look back if it helps me move forward. If not, I let it go.” Regret, he says, should teach—not torment. If the door is still open, take the chance: go back to school, rebuild the relationship, say “I’m sorry.”

But some things can't be changed. Gladys Gelenga, a counsellor in Arua, knows that pain well. She lost her firstborn during delivery. “You can’t bring the dead back,” she says. “But I named her Gift Anderu and still remember her birthday.”

Surrounded by mothers whose babies lived, she grieved in silence. But instead of staying in that pain, she chose to give her love to others and pray for healing. She was later blessed with another daughter, Mercy Alesi—and poured her heart into raising her.

Gelenga also stresses the need to stay mentally engaged. “Stop sitting in regret. Watch a movie, go for a walk, keep busy,” she says. “When your mind is occupied, there’s no space to replay pain.”

She warns against comparison. “Maybe you thought you’d have a car, a house, or a great job by now. But you don’t. So, you punish yourself,” she says. “Don’t. Be grateful for where you are—things could be worse. And if there’s room to improve, do it—without guilt.”

Finally, surround yourself with people who lift you up. “Some will only remind you of your mistakes,” Gelenga says. “Walk away. Find those who encourage you. You’ll be surprised how quickly you begin to thrive.”