Where did the lonely hearts go?

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WHAT’S UP!

I still remember her, sometime in the mid-2000s. She came up to my desk in the Magazines Department at the New Vision. I didn’t know who she was or what she wanted. But it was around the time we wound up the next issue of the City Beat magazine, so it was a busy time.

After a tentative hello, she put a piece of paper on my desk. Picking it up, I saw it was a Lonely Hearts request. For almost 10 years, up to 2011 when it stopped being published, the City Beat magazine ran several pages under the ‘Lonely Hearts’ section.

Those days, it was a very big deal, one of the few ‘dating’ sites available to young (and some not so young) Ugandans. There was no WhatsApp, no dating sites or apps, and definitely no TikTok. Social media was in its infancy and was mostly seen as just a gossip tool.

How were people supposed to hook up, then? Hundreds turned to the Lonely Hearts section in the City Beat, and it got so popular that daily newspapers also took it up. We (I was the editor) started out with one page, and by the time the magazine closed it had spread to four pages. We received hundreds of requests every month.

Typically, one would send in a request, describe who they were, and what kind of person they were looking for. And attach their email address. In those days, email was the main engine of communication, so everyone had an address.

Examples (and these are taken from old issues of the magazine) are:

Single Muganda princess, 25, likes driving, watching movies and listening to music, searching for a white man or half-cast, ready for a serious relationship. Write xxxxx@yahoo.com, or call 0711xxxxxx.

Businessman, 26, needs a well-organised lady who is financially stable, with whom I can share some ideas. Call 0752xxxxxx.

Single, tall, caring, gentle man, wants a mature-minded, beautiful, attractive, intelligent, hot and educated girl for sweet love. Write xxxxxx@yahoo.com

Lonely working-class girl, 22, looking for a stable, hardworking man, 28-35, for a serious relationship leading to marriage. Call Allen 0772xxxxxx.

Working HIV+ve lady, 28, wants an HIV+ve male above 30, working, educated, for marriage. Write xxxxxx@yahoo.com

Lonely White European female, loving and caring, on holiday seeking for handsome and understanding guy for nights out and love and maybe relocation. Write xxxxxx@gmail.com

Single born-again lady, 44, with kids, wants a born-again white man above 50, widowed or divorced with kids, for marriage. Write xxxxxx@yahoo.com

Wide-hipped chic wanted by a nice-looking boy for real love. Call 0718xxxxxx

Munyankole man, 27, searching for a financially stable woman ready to love me. Call 0752xxxxxx.

At first, it was interesting to see the people looking for connections, and when the magazine came out, it was common to see groups of people in the newsroom discussing the various requests. It was generally thought that people were just looking for fun, or maybe just playing with others. But it was serious stuff, so much so that photographs started accompanying the various requests.

It also started taking a toll on me. When people started sending in their photos, it came home to me that these were not just mere typed requests on an email; these were real people looking for connections. Going through and editing those hundreds of requests from lonely people was depressing stuff, and at the end, I had to ask somebody else to handle that section.

And that young girl made it even more real when she handed in her typed request. She stood by my desk for a few more minutes and then asked in a small voice, “Will I get someone?”

I remember looking at this young girl and wondering what kind of loneliness led her to put her faith in complete strangers. I had read the requests, and I had seen the photos, but this was a real person, standing in front of me, asking if the magazine would find her somebody to love.

I thought that was crazy, but it also led to a discussion about what happens to people who had sent in their lonely hearts request. Subsequently, every year we would randomly choose some of the requests sent in over the year, and find out what had happened.

Many of the women said the people who called them were ‘not serious’, and just wanted a good time. Many of the guys said they got what they were looking for and had a good time. One boasted that he had slept with over 20 of the girls who had replied to his request.

But some found real companions, one time we even had a wedding, courtesy of the City Beat Lonely Hearts section.

Now, almost 15 years later, I wonder what happened to all the people who used to send in those requests? What do lonely people do these days to find companions?

Meta AI tells me that millions of Ugandans have used or are using dating sites and apps, but the exact number is difficult to ascertain. It points out that dating sites like Tinder, Badoo, AfroIntroductions and Boo are especially popular.

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