The sound of silence

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OPINION

By Emilian Kayima

Sunday Morning, June 15, marked one year since we buried our fallen friend and comrade, Fred Tumusabe. We continue to feel the weight of his loss, the void of his absence, but also the warmth of his actions and the lessons he taught us as a great man, a great dad.

This year, Father’s Day coincided with the day Fred was buried. As I reflected on the many messages congratulating fathers on their important day, my heart went out to families that miss their lovely dads, dead or alive, with no easy reach to a hand that will soothe their pain.

Their absence is widely and deeply felt. It gave birth to this article titled “The Sound of Silence”.

One significant message that circulated on social media platforms was in the form of a cartoon where a little girl was asking his father whether fathers who don’t pay school fees also deserve the congratulatory message.

I guess she meant the fathers who don’t take up their responsibilities beyond payment of school fees. No response came forth as expected. Dad looked shocked and shuttered. It was as if his name had been pinned on the most visible wall of shame for all to see and judge!

There are many such dads. And there are many dimensions to the phenomenon.

Let us focus on these three types of children: children who lost their lovely and loving fathers early in life, children who enjoyed the love of loving fathers to the end, like yours truly and lastly, children who don’t know the love of a father even when they live.

It is beautiful to be a father, a responsible dad. Fatherhood is a duty. It is a responsibility. It is a school where learning never ceases. It is never a burden. It is a great opportunity to learn, to mentor, to cheer your own on to greatness. For children who lost their lovely dads early, like the orphans of comrade Fred Tumusabe, it is a pain they have to endure, a burden they have to carry all their lives, but also an opportunity for them to recall everything he did and said. This would greatly help them focus better, fight harder and win big in future.

Such lovely dads play the role of the guiding star even in their children’s darkest moments, for, as children grow, they reflect, admire and adjust as the sober voices of their loving parents ring in their heads constantly and consistently.

For those of us who had the greatest of opportunities to live with our loving fathers till we too became fathers, we can only strive to match them. On this particular Father’s Day, I looked at the photos of my dad and simply smiled and kissed them. In my heart, I said, “Kapo tetumubanja”, meaning that he owes us nothing, for he did everything a dad is expected to do. We knew his fears, his struggles and his wishes for all of us, his children.

Do your children view you as a firm foundation to lean on for a better future? We need to actively step into their lives and give reassurances, cheer them up and put our full weight behind them. We need to help them define their journey of life through education, active listening and mentoring. Overall, we need to be their role models.

The last batch of fathers I reflected on are the absent fathers, yet they are alive. This situation could be caused by many factors that range from a duty that keeps them away to total irresponsibility, violence at home and life pressures, as well as mental-related ailments. If we knew what goes on in the minds and hearts of these children, all fathers would come home and provide the warmth, the love, and the protection our children yearn for.  

Recently, three of us, all dads, drove for a long distance going upcountry for a function. We talked about many things that including the subject of parenting. One of us shared that he has consistently taken it upon himself to prepare a drink and a bite for his children every morning as they go to school. He does it with love and commitment. I saluted him, and many of those fathers who do this. You are sowing the right seeds that will soon sprout and do wonders. Such actions last a lifetime. It is purposeful. It is intentional.

Intentional parenting is the way to go. It is a thread that stitches us together for eternity. I salute our great parents, more so, our great dads, for bending backwards in service of their families. Happy belated Father’s Day, dear dads, especially "those who pay school fees”.

The writer is a Senior Police officer in Uganda