Of Uganda’s ‘filters’ election

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WHAT’S UP!

I don’t know who Flavia Nakafeero is, but I would vote for her. I had never heard of Nakafeero, and know absolutely nothing about her. But, recently when I was on my daily roadwork, I came across a poster announcing her candidature for LC5 chairperson, Wakiso district, and I was immediately struck by her smile. What one would describe as an African Mona Lisa.

It looks like a half-smile, a bit lopsided to her right. It is almost shy, like of one who wants to promise you things, but doesn’t want to seem to be promising you things. The Mona Lisa painting in Paris has mesmerised people for more than five centuries, and looking at Nakafeero’s picture, I can understand why.

I bet if Leonardo da Vinci’s model (thought to be the wife of a nobleman in Florence, Italy) had stood for any elective position, she would have won hands down. So, if I were to vote in January’s elections and were registered in Wakiso, I would definitely vote for Nakafeero, for whatever position she wants.

Which brings me to the real focus of this column — election posters. I have always wondered why Ugandans go to tremendous efforts and spend a lot of money to print posters. On any given tree, utility pole or wall, there could be about 10 different posters all fighting for your attention. It is all really chaotic and hurts the eye, so the immediate reaction is to look away, which means all the efforts and money that went into the printing of posters are wasted.

In any case, I have always thought that when it comes to an election, Ugandans don’t really care what you stand for, or what you promise to do for them. Candidates have stood for elective positions, promised the electorate heaven and earth, gone on to win, and then done everything they can to line their pockets.

It has become so cynical that candidates have been known to openly boast about how they have shared, or will share, the ‘loot’ they got from their positions. So, why bother with posters and rallies and campaigns? Just pass the word around that for every sh100m you steal, you’ll share about sh50m.

But it seems that there are many thieves in the pot, and one needs to stand out as the thief among thieves. Hence the posters. And like Nakafeero has shown, the way posters appear matters. It is important to stand out among the thieves.

In a way, this is a sign of the times. Two elections ago, candidates would typically go to a photo studio, get their pictures taken, and then probably go down to Nasser Road to design and print posters.

But then came smartphones, which would become even smarter as the years wore on. They could take what looked like really great pictures. And they even had filters that could make a 90-year-old look as if he had just left puberty.

What folks didn’t realise was that while the picture might look good on the phone, when it is enlarged for a poster or a billboard, it makes you look like you have been using some very cheap skin-lightening creams. And they are ‘pixelated’, which means the image is blurry and doesn’t look good. But I suppose mediocre-loving Ugandans probably don’t care too much about that.

Before the age of filters, the discerning candidate would get a graphics person to work on their photos. And they would painstakingly use Photoshop or Lightroom to remove the blemishes that inevitably come with all the years one has spent on this earth. But these filters don’t do that, they just wipe everything that seems out of place, leaving a skin looking as smooth as a baby’s what-do you-call-it.

And many of these phones don’t have the option to correct for white-balance, or the users don’t know how to do so. White balancing is the correction of colour cast, so pictures look natural. But these folks don’t know about that, so you get purple-looking candidates, and some who look like oranges or spoiled green bananas.

If you don’t believe me, go outside and check the posters you see.

Incidentally, folks on Nasser Road were very annoyed at the onset of these filters. And this election time has not turned out as profitable for them as previous ones. I told a colleague who has a ‘store’ on Nasser Road how this is their time, and how they are going to make a lot of money from these candidates.

No way, he said. First of all, he said, they take pictures with their phones; use free online apps to design the basic type posters, and then go to a neighbourhood shop that normally does photocopying to print them. And even then, they don’t want to pay, the cheapskates. Or pay just a fraction of the cost. He told me that some candidates in the last election still owe him money, especially those who lost.

I wonder, is it too late to change my voter registration? In an election where the fight is between thieves, I would really like to vote for Nakafeero and her Mona Lisa smile.

You can follow Kabuye on X @KalungiKabuye