My Zohran story and Kampala’s Asian mayors

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WHAT’S UP!

I don’t know if it’s just a Ugandan thing, but in the last few days, social media has been awash with ‘Zohran stories’. Everyone — from the guy who claimed he sold maize to Zohran Mamdani, to those who allegedly dismissed him as a good-for-nothing rapper — they have all come out of the proverbial woodwork. Because the Mamdanis spent a few years in Cape Town, South Africans also have their Zohran stories. So, here is mine.

In August of 2002, just before her film Monsoon Wedding had a Kampala premiere at the then Cineplex Cinema on Johnstone Street, I went to interview the director, Mira Nair. She picked me up from Ggaba Road, and we drove to the house in Buziga she shared with her husband, Makerere University professor Mahmood Mamdani. We sat on the porch, amidst about 100 flowers in pots and a grand view of Lake Victoria and what was then a sea of green (I haven’t been back there since then, but I bet the view now includes dozens of roofs from new neighbours).

In the approximately one-and-a-half hours which the interview took, her son, Zohran, must have popped in about three or four times, asking about one thing or another. The first time, he politely said hello. He obviously doted upon his mother, and she on him, excusing herself every time he required her attention. Zohran must have been about 10 years old then. I don’t remember much of him, just the irritation from his interrupting our interview. Obviously, I forgive him now and wish him Godspeed in his tenure as the mayor of New York.

So there, that’s my Zohran Mamdani story. Shall we move on, now? After all, we also have our own elections to consider, which include a closer-than-usual race for the mayor of Kampala, admittedly a paltry fraction of New York’s $2.6 trillion gross domestic product (GDP) (by comparison, Uganda’s GDP is $49b).

My colleague and Old Budonian, Muniini Mulera, wrote an interesting blog, in which he asked artificial intelligence (AI) whether Kampala could elect an Asian mayor. Incidentally, it irks me that Zohran is described by the Western press as being from East Asia. Dude is two generations removed from Asia, and his father grew up in Masaka, so he is as African as they come. To even it out, they should refer to Donald Trump as the second American president from Germany, as his grandparents immigrated from that country barely 100 years ago.

Back to Muniini’s blog, where the AI he asked, Claude (a next-generation AI assistant built by Anthropic), answered like it was taking part in a typical kafunda argument. It concluded that Ugandans would never elect an Asian mayor, and gave all sorts of reasons why not.

Unlike AI assistants like Meta, Claude did not give its sources or indicate where it got its answers from. Maybe I don’t understand how AI works, but I imagine that when asked a question, it searches the internet for answers. In this case, it could have picked up unsubstantiated assertions. Like asking that kafunda guy why he insists Ugandans see Asians differently, and they answer, “... because”. Or, as Ugandans these days are wont to, “... for just”.

Claude gives three reasons why an Asian cannot be elected: because they are not seen as ‘real’ Ugandans, they are seen as economic oppressors, and because of the brutal reality of politics in Uganda. But, with more than 70% of Ugandans under the age of 30, the pre-Idi Amin Asian is just a myth.

The economic oppressors of today are more likely the Chinese who come as investors but are now engaged in retail trade, but mostly it is the local corrupt elite. The communities see these fellows get into elective offices, and then start driving huge, fuel-guzzling cars with sirens; build 12ft walls around their houses with a dozen bedrooms, and take their kids to international schools. With Uganda’s politicians openly declaring that if elected, they will share the money they steal, why would Ugandans be hating on Asians?

For Claude’s information, Kampala has already had two mayors of Asian origin: P.L. Patel (1962-1963) and A.G. Mehta (1968-1969). In addition, Sanjay ‘Okware’ Tanna and Parminder Singh ‘Katongole’ Marwaha have both been elected as MPs during the NRM era. Dr Ian Clarke (should I add ‘Irish origin’?) was also elected as mayor of Makindye.

I bet if Sudhir Ruparelia stood for any elective office in Uganda, he would win hands down. Probably the richest man in Uganda (most other rich Ugandans hide their wealth because they are part of the corrupt elite and cannot explain how they got it), he was born in a duka in Katwe near Kasese, and it would be difficult for any politician to accuse him of not being a real Ugandan. I’ve never heard a story that Sudhir moves with escort cars full of mean-looking soldiers, sirens blaring, pushing everyone else out of his way. Our corrupt elite love doing that.

Did you hear the story of a former leader of the opposition who, when asked what he would miss most about his post, pointed to driving with an escort through Kampala traffic? He was really sad that he would, henceforth, have to be ‘like the rest’ of us. Give me an Asian any old time.

So, Sudhir for the Lord Mayor of Kampala? There is another story making the roads, some Gen Zs thought ‘Lord Mayor’ was part of Erias Lukwago’s name. Go figure.

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