Let’s ease marriage pressure on youth

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OPINION

By Jackline Turinayo Baganizi

Marriage remains a beautiful and meaningful institution, one that many of us continue to value, advocate for, and hope to see young people enter with joy and confidence.

I count myself among those who have spoken strongly in favour of marriage, sometimes passionately so. Yet with time, reflection and lived experience, I have come to recognise that the way we speak about marriage, especially in public, can unintentionally wound the very people we hope to encourage.

For many young people, questions and comments about marriage are not neutral. They carry weight. They can trigger anxiety, embarrassment, or even quiet shame. Publicly asking a young person, especially at family gatherings: “When are you getting married?” or making remarks such as, “That one doesn’t want to marry,” or “She has refused to get married,” may seem harmless to the speaker, but to the recipient, these words can cut deeply.

What we often fail to see are the untold stories behind a young person’s marital status. Some genuinely desire marriage, but have not yet met the right person. Others are waiting for someone who aligns with their values, faith, character and long-term vision.

Many young women, in particular, are quietly waiting to be ‘found’ due to culture, or personal belief. There are also those nursing fresh or old heartbreaks, recovering from broken engagements, painful relationships, or unfulfilled hopes.

Others may be navigating complex seasons such as career uncertainty, financial instability, health challenges, or family responsibilities, that make marriage feel overwhelming at that moment. When we ask probing questions publicly, we risk reopening wounds we know nothing about.

It is, therefore, not surprising that for some young people, family gatherings, especially festive seasons like Christmas, are dreaded.

What should be moments of rest, laughter, and belonging become emotionally exhausting spaces filled with repeated questions, comparisons, and whispered judgments. Instead of feeling loved, they feel scrutinised.

Advocating for marriage is not wrong. Marriage has many advantages, and marrying young can indeed offer meaningful benefits when done wisely and with the right person.

One of the commonly cited advantages of marrying young is energy. Young parents are often physically stronger and better able to keep up with the demands of raising children. There is also the advantage of growing together, learning, building, and maturing side by side. Couples who marry young often have the opportunity to shape their values, habits, and life direction together over time.

Marrying young can also provide emotional companionship early in adulthood, reduce prolonged loneliness, and create a stable foundation for family life. When supported well, young marriages can foster resilience, shared purpose, and long-term partnership that matures beautifully with age.

However, these advantages only truly flourish when marriage is entered with readiness and with the right person. Without these, the same early marriage can become a source of regret, pain, or prolonged struggle.

Waiting is not failure. Waiting is often wisdom. Choosing to delay marriage until one meets the right person is an act of self-respect and foresight. Marriage is not simply about meeting societal expectations or silencing questions; it is about choosing a life partner whose character, values, and vision align with yours.

Rushing into marriage because of pressure can lead to unions marked by conflict, dissatisfaction, or emotional harm. A wrong choice made quickly can cost far more than a good choice made patiently.

Emotional maturity, communication skills, shared faith or values, and mutual respect are essential foundations. It is, therefore, possible and even healthy, to hold two truths at the same time: Marriage is good, and waiting for the right person is also good.

As elders, parents, mentors, and leaders, we must also look inward. It is not enough to verbally advocate for marriage; our lives must demonstrate that marriage is a worthwhile venture. Many young people have not been discouraged by singleness, but by what they have witnessed in marriages around them.

Some grew up in homes marked by constant conflict, silence, emotional distance, or unresolved pain. Others have watched marriages collapse publicly, leaving deep scars on families.

In addition to this, social media is saturated with stories of marital failure, divorce announcements and endless content portraying marriage as a trap rather than a partnership. Faced with these realities, many young people fear not just marriage itself, but the possibility of starting and failing.

When elders speak glowingly about marriage, but live lives filled with bitterness, disrespect, or unresolved conflict, the message rings hollow.

Young people are observant. They believe what they see more than what they are told. If marriage is to be attractive, it must be visible in its honesty, mutual respect, forgiveness, growth, and joy. This calls us to model healthy marriages, to seek help when we struggle, to speak truthfully without glorifying dysfunction, and to show that challenges in marriage can be faced and overcome. By doing so, we give young people hope that marriage, while demanding, is also deeply rewarding.

If our goal is truly to help young people, then our approach must change. Public commentary needs to give way to private conversations.

Instead of asking questions in front of relatives, friends, or strangers, we can create safe, one-on-one spaces where young people feel seen rather than judged.

Helping young people navigate this sensitive chapter of their lives requires empathy. It requires remembering our own our fears, uncertainties, and unanswered questions. Most of all, it requires accepting that each person’s timeline is different.

As elders and mentors, our responsibility is to walk alongside young people with grace. When we replace public pressure with private support, we create room for healthier decisions, stronger marriages, and emotionally safer families. In easing marriage pressure, we are not weakening the institution of marriage but rather protecting it.

baganizijackie@gmail.com