A love in the times of ‘transport’

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He wrote on one of those zillion problem pages that millennials and those that come after them love, and he complained about how some girl turned out to be one of the meanest he had ever known.

He proceeded to reveal her name, where she lived, and what she did for a living. The commentators following that post generally felt for him and agreed that she was indeed Jezebel (Gen X and Z, look that up) incarnate. Her crime? That he had sent her ‘transport’, and had never shown up.

What, she didn’t show up? That is blasphemy and sacrilege all bound in one; in fact, Armageddon is about to happen, and the world is most definitely ending. Sinners like her are going to burn forever in hell. How could she not show up after getting ‘transport’?

But what kind of ‘transport’ is that which can lead to the end of the world, you ask? It is the name of the new dating game that is played by both Gen X and Gen Z. Boy meets girl, probably online. He likes her style and profile picture. He inboxes her and they chat.

They ‘click’, exchange numbers and particulars. Boy invites girl to his place, she accepts the invitation and asks him to send money for ‘transport’. He duly does so. She shows up at his place, they have a great time and they live happily ever after, at least for the weekend.

That is the script — how it is supposed to play out. Except this time, the girl did not show up at the dude’s place and blocked all his numbers after that. So, he complained bitterly about how she was worse than Bad Black, who he was sure would have shown up, although she would have publicly rated his game afterwards.

On that page, even the girls weighed in and blasted said girl for making them look bad. How do you accept a guy’s transport and you do not show up? What if they all stopped sending transport? What would the world come up to, then?

One girl tried to explain that if she wanted to visit a guy, she would go by herself and then if he gave her transport afterwards, all and good. But if he insisted on sending her transport when she did not want to visit him, she would ‘eat’ the money and then block him.

So, it is all about transport these days.

Like when a guy asked how to tell if a girl was worth a lasting relationship, another guy explained: you send her transport the first time and she shows up.

The second time she shows up again; if she shows up the third time without asking for transport, then she is the one. Yup, it is all about transport.

Now imagine if that lasting relationship goes all the way, and they tied the knot. You know how newlyweds tell stories of how they first met? So, the groom picks up the microphone, looks deeply into the bride’s eyes and says he knew he would spend the rest of his life with her when he invited her to his place and she showed up without asking for transport. And all the guests applauded and danced to that crazy song, ‘najja na kaveera’.

There was a time when young girls used to read romance books, where they would ask a boy what their hobbies were.

What did he like to do with his spare time? That is how they learnt about each other.

These days, one of the first questions asked is, ‘would you send a girl transport to come to your place?’ How you answer that question will determine how the relationship develops, or if it does at all.

And apparently, it works both ways, too. On one of those confession pages, a girl posted how some guy had been pestering her for weeks. So one cold, rainy evening, she finally decides that it is cool, he can come over. But he said he was broke, so she sent him transport. But dude never showed up, did not respond to messages and did not pick her calls. So, she ranted about how all men are dogs. But the dudes all applauded the ‘brother’ and said he had game. It also plays out in higher income brackets, as one woman complained that some married guy refused to fuel her car after an afternoon tryst in a Kampala hotel.

Not only that, he had not stayed around for a second ‘go’, but pretended he was late for a meeting and dashed out. And she even had to pay for the hotel. These transport things have really gone out of hand.

You know that dating show on DStv, Date My Family? The guy looking for a date visits the prospective girl’s family and one of the most common questions is whether he has a car. And if he does not, would he give their sister transport and how much?

One guy categorically said no, that if he wanted to ‘buy’ a girl, he knows where to go. They accused him of disrespect, called him stingy, and chased him away. Yup, it is tough getting love in the times of transport.