______________

LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS 

Dear Counsellor,

I’m 25 and desire to get married. My boyfriend is a Muslim and he already has a wife. My parents disapprove of the relationship and are against us getting married. What should I do?

Naomi

Dear Naomi,

At twenty-five years you are old enough to make a decision on who you want to be with for the rest of your life. However, ideally, you should get a blessing from your parents in this matter. 

From what you say, your parents forbade you to get married to a Muslim. You also seem not to be comfortable that he already has a wife. It is very important to note that in the African context, marriage goes beyond the two individuals involved. It is actually meant to unite and extend the boundaries of families. 

Whilst your boyfriend and his wife see nothing unusual for you to get married to him, your upbringing and values are clearly different. And until you unwind the current values you hold, you may have challenges in the relationship.

Furthermore, it may be difficult for you to continue practicing your catholic faith in a Muslim environment.

This implies that if you go ahead and marry him, you should be prepared to convert to the faith of the people in your new life. In addition, you are likely to have protracted resistance from your parents and significant others. 

This will put an insurmountable strain on you if the man you intend to marry does not appreciate these challenges and is ready to give you maximum support in this struggle. Love is very critical in any marriage relationship. 

However, its nurturing is contingent upon the prevailing circumstances and environment. Once you understand and appreciate these circumstances that should help you to decide whether or not to go ahead and marry this man.

Clemence Byomuhangi,
Mental Health and Psychosocial Counselling Psychologist