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LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

Dear Family,

My male boss keeps on making passes and directing jokes with sexual innuendos at me. He is married and I would not want to engage in a relationship with him. 

However, I do not know how to tell him off in a respectable way so that I maintain a cordial working relationship with him. 

A friend has told me to engage a senior female colleague, but I am scared the boss might get on the defensive if he feels exposed and things will backfire on me. What should I do?

Jesca

Dear Jesca,

Sexual harassment at the place of work, whether one is married or not, must not be tolerated. You have a right to openly tell your boss that you are not interested in his advances and that your relationship should only be work-related. You must do it in a respectful manner but with firmness.

The man in question is your boss at work only and should not use his position to exploit you. The moment you give in you risk not only losing your dignity but also being repeatedly exploited. Most workplaces have policies on sexual harassment. Have you tried to find out what the policy in your organization says about this issue?

Ignore his advances, and do your job well with time he will realise that you are not interested in him and he will give up. Should he not, try to get evidence that you can use to solicit support from your human resource department. Some people have failed to report sexual harassment because they do not want to lose their jobs and this has eventually destroyed them.

You should stand up and protect yourself by using the proper channels in your organization. Should you not get the support you deserve from your human resource department, you have a choice to make between retaining that job in a risky place or quitting the job as you look around for some other opportunity.

Clemence Byomuhangi,
Mental Health and Psychosocial Counselling Psychologist

Sexual harassment at workplaces is a big problem with devastating impact on employees’ well-being and performance. Many people have struggled to deal with the menace and others have lost their jobs on account of their bosses’ influence in the organisation. 

If your boss is making sexual advances towards you, here are some tips on how to go about it.

1. Talk to your boss, express your feelings about his sexual advances, and clearly indicate how it is affecting your performance and how his actions have made your working environment uncomfortable.

2. If this yields negative results, talk to your manager or supervisor about the best way to handle the situation.

3. Seek advice from HR office because it is their responsibility to take care of employees. Possibly they can effect a transfer to a place or department they feel is safer whose access is limited to your current boss.

4. Talk to your personal mentor to offer career advice that will help you navigate the issue.

5. Through your supervisor, contact higher authorities in the office. The fact that the other person is expressing their feelings towards you does not mean that you have failed, you still have room to make your work enjoyable.

Your safety and emotional support are equally important, so be open about what you need and seek support in the most comfortable way that will work for you.

Robert Mugenyi, marriage counsellor