WORLD AIDS DAY: Couple going strong with HIV

Dec 01, 2021

Doctors recommend enva enirwa (vegetables,) use of condoms, exercise and having peace of mind.

The couple says knowledge of HIV-positive status was a realization of self-deeds; discouraging news and ironically led to improvement of their life. (Credit: Titus Kakembo)

Titus Kakembo
Journalist @New Vision

HIV | MBEKEKA | BOSA 

MASAKA - The HIV infection experience can be problematic for those affected as the experiences and perceptions of living with HIV among married males in Uganda are yet be to be examined. 

This couple in Masaka describes the revelations, emotions, reactions, and adjustments they experienced since 2010.

They say knowledge of HIV-positive status was a realization of self-deeds; discouraging news for both partners, and ironically led to improvement of their life. 

It took the appearance of physical symptoms as the only reason for pursuing HIV testing.

And unfortunately, the results were received with a mixture of sadness, guilt and hesitant acceptance of HIV infection in their lives. The wife Betty Mbekeka expressed anger and worry about being infected by her husband Patrick Bossa.

It took Uganda Cares counselling, tastes, sufficient inspiration from medical personnel and peer groups, as well as a shared concern for their children for the couple to adjust to their dyadic relationship.

Their experiences and post-infection emotions are an example of coping mechanisms. 

According to Dr Audrey Kisaka. ” It's an eye-opener to the future design of couple-based intervention and counselling programs for HIV prevention and treatment with the input of the HIV-positive individuals’ voices.”

Betty Mbekeka

I have had a mixture of experiences and emotions with HIV. There was the stigma not only from the community where I live but even close family members, religious gatherings and at the borehole. 

The virus was by then seen as a curse and the patients taken as sinners.

I have since learned that sexual intercourse is important in a marriage. Denying a partner sex is culturally and religiously discouraged. 

But we had to go against the tradition of having unprotected sexual intercourse which is culturally perceived in Buganda cultures as strengthening the marriage institution. 

I have seen many marriages break down due to the unmet sexual needs of couples.

It was not until our viral load was not visible did we desire a fourth child called Joy who the doctors assured us would be born HIV negative. 

In my community are peers who have disclosed to me sexual deprivation since they disclosed their status to husbands. Others abandoned swallowing their ARV after their viral load reduced. 

Their pastors preached to them that it was a miracle induced by prayers.

Tips

The food that we see as a poor person’s diet is what makes the body healthy. 

Doctors recommend enva enirwa (vegetables,) use of condoms, exercise and having peace of mind.

We wish one of our children becomes a doctor who serves the people through duty not to amass wealth. We also want to boost our income if our family livelihood is to improve.

I hope to cease being a housewife to start a small business at home. This dependence on my husband’s source of income for everything over strains him. 

Times are gone when women stayed home to cook and make shopping lists of what is missing at home.

Uganda Cares gives me more hope. Even during the COVID-19 Lockdown in 

2020 they delivered ARVs to me deep in the Nasana Village.

Patrick Bossa

I am a scrap dealer who was found HIV positive in 2010 while in Masaka. 

It took counselling and convincing by Dr Irene Namugwanya at the Uganda Cares branch in Bukulula-Masaka for me to change my mind. She sat me down and asked whether I am a Christian and love my children.

When my response was in the affirmative she said your creator wants you alive like your three children and their mother. 

By then, I had all the symptoms of the diseases manifested. Besides a rash and pink lips, my beard was falling off when I would run my fingers through it. Slim can be such a scary thing.

I had generally surrendered and waited for death. I would sit and wonder what my wife would do with our children, Victor, Grace and David when I was dead. 

The community where we live had written us off as dead when rumours spread about our sickness. Contrary to their expectations of burying us we have since seen them off.

The trick is to make medication a routine. My wife and children call to inquire if I have swallowed the daily dose. I do anything like I used to. 

I have since got a certificate in faith lessons at Kyalimbwa College Christian Ministries. 

The course took me a whole year. It was located seven miles away from our home. I would walk it before I bought a bicycle.

I till the land on which we farm. 

I am generally living just as I used to do before being diagnosed. The only difference is the daily regimen of medicines.

Mysteriously we have since had a fourth girl who was born when we were both HIV positive!

The trick is belief in faith and healthy living. I always stay positive and try to shout out stress and other things that can make my situation worse.

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