Samuel Mugabi a social worker, church minister and businessman and his wife Loyce Nakkiriza, a secondary school teacher wedded in February 2018. 

Like any other couple, they had expectations and dreams to achieve. Bearing children topped the bucket list; little did they know that they had to wait longer. 

The pressure from different corners notwithstanding. But the love that binds them has made them develop a thick skin to criticism.

Mugabi has planned to have children and be done by 30 years. But it’s almost four years into his marriage and he is already 30 years old but still waiting to become a father. 

He looks up to his parents; Pastors Harriet and Henry Senfuka of Mukono discipleship church.  

He grew up admiring their relationship. His mum had her lastborn at 23 years. The couple has three children: two girls and a boy. However, they have since adopted several children. 

“My parents inspire me a lot. When I married, I set the deadline for 30 years, but things have not fallen in place as we envisioned” he says adding that, “While we plan, God has another different plan.”

Society pressures

They started getting questions and concerns from society and friends on what was happening. But they barely had answers and couldn’t explain anything to anyone. 

In June 2019, they consulted a gynecologist. Tests turned out promising. Everything was normal. 

He advised the couple to stay patient and strong for each other. 

“The gynecologist helped a lot. We returned home happy. From that day, we learnt to suppress the pressure from people,” Mugabi recollects.

The couple decided that their marriage and whatever happened there was entirely their business. Therefore, they are not answerable to anybody.

We have developed a thick skin to insults

Mugabi says that people gossip about them that they are good at showing off instead of producing children. 

Others say that the couple is young, naïve, and ignorant about the pain of failing to bear children early. 

“I have received toxic advice. That if Loyce has failed to give me children, I should find a fertile woman,” he says.  

Also, a relative offered to find a herbalist to treat their ‘infertility’.

“We are now used to the insults. They no longer stress us,” he says.

Loyce has been confronted by women who claim to have conceived with the help of traditional healers. 

 “Some people are very insensitive to our feelings. They know we are church ministers, but they coerce us to take risky routes,” Mugabi says.

On three occasions, a male acquaintance approached Mugabi’s wife offering to impregnate her if the husband isn’t man enough.

“We would also visit new mothers only for some elders to lash out at us that we enjoy carrying people’s children and forget to produce our own,” he remembers.

However, Mugabi has always stood his ground and told off critiques that he is comfortable with his marriage. 

“I keep assuring them that this is entirely our business. I hate it when people stress my wife,” he assures. 

“We are confident we shall bear all the children we want at the right time decided by God not man,” he says.

Nakkiriza appeals to society to understand that it is not a guarantee that every woman will conceive immediately after they get married.  

“God alone understands why things turn out the way they do,” she asserts. 

Nakkiriza says they have decided to stay sane and open-minded.

“That is how we have managed to stay happily married,” she shares.

“Stressing over children will only make matters worse. My responsibility is to love my husband, submit, pray and wait for God,” she asserts.