Life Style
My wife is cheating on me with men I know
Publish Date: Jan 21, 2014
My wife is cheating on me with men I know
She chats with men on Facebook and they plan to meet for sex
  • mail
  • img

My wife and I have been married for 10 years and we have three children. I recently chanced on her Facebook page and was shocked to discover that she has been unfaithful.

In most cases, she initiated the flirting, planned days to meet for sex and for HIV tests and also tells the men she cannot use condoms. She cheats mostly during her work trips upcountry and abroad.

I know some of the men she has been cheating with and they are married. When I confronted her about it, she was not apologetic and claimed she never had sex with them.

I have lost interest in sex with my wife and she is accusing me of having an affair. I am considering a separation, but I am worried about our children.

How can I deal with this?




Extra-marital relations undermine marriage by Clemence Byomuhangi

Dear Nasser,

Intimate relationships survive on love, commitment and care, all of which must be nurtured continuously. This is particularly the case when a relationship has matured into a marriage.

Extramarital relationships undermine the essence of a marriage. From your communication, you have established that your wife has been unfaithful.

This is unfortunate, but you may wish to talk and find out what caused her behaviour. The 10 years you have been together should have been long enough for the two of you to confide in each other about your deepest feelings. You say what hurts you most is that your wife initiates sexual relationships with men you know.

This must be a painful experience. To deal with the challenge, you may need to find out whether the two of you have had any development needs that could have led to infidelity.

These issues include ineffective communication, anxiety, low self-esteem and preoccupation with work, among others. It could also have something to do with your sex life or even unrest arising from the issues raised above.

Resolving your dilemma requires clear headedness to avoid rushed decisions, which could be emotional not rational. You may need to seek professional couple counselling so that the two of you can forge a way forward amicably.



There must be a reason

There is a reason as to why she is cheating on you. For the wellbeing of your children, do not end the marriage. Seek counselling to help you iron out your grievances amicably.

Alice Nassaka, communications personnel

Some people flirt for fun

Sorry about the stress you are going through now. From your description, your wife is not physically cheating on you with the men she flirts with on Facebook. You should worry about the reason why she flirts. There are few women, let alone married ones, who can engage in sex escapades and then put such information on Facebook.

People flirt for different reasons. For some, it is for fun, while others want to attract the other person and start a relationship or to boost their self-esteem. Your wife was unapologetic because she knew she was innocent and does not know that you are hurting.


Forgive your wife for the sake of the children

Having a cheating partner is the worst experience anyone can ever go through. That aside, you should look at the 10 years you have been married, I believe you know your wife and what could have led her to cheating.

Try to think of what could have gone wrong. Perhaps she is bored or you have ignored her and she tried to get consolation from somewhere else. The good thing is that she tests for HIV before having sex, which means she wants to keep her family safe.

Try talking to her instead of shutting her out and forgive her for the sake of the children. To err is human and to forgive is divine.

Rita Namukhula

Church leaders can help

Few men can tolerate cheating, but for the sake of your children, give your wife a second chance. Also, seek counselling from church leaders to help you make a wise decision.

Daniel Ntambi, a human rights activist

The statements, comments, or opinions expressed through the use of New Vision Online are those of their respective authors, who are solely responsible for them, and do not necessarily represent the views held by the staff and management of New Vision Online.

New Vision Online reserves the right to moderate, publish or delete a post without warning or consultation with the author.Find out why we moderate comments. For any questions please contact

  • mail
  • img
blog comments powered by Disqus
Also In This Section
Reach Out Mbuya holds 8th annual sports gala
The annual sports gala organised by Reach Out Mbuya HIV/AIDS Initiative was on Saturday (October 10) held at Kyambogo University Sports field....
Nobel-winning economist worried prize phone call was prank
The British-born winner of the Nobel Economics Prize joked Monday that he worried the telephone call from Sweden alerting him of the award might have been a prank....
The helmet, the message, your safety:  Artist Collin Sekajugo’s story
An artist''s determination to use art to promote road safety....
Those getting HIV today are
Maj. Rubaramira Ruranga has described people getting infected with HIV today as being "reckless"....
Gashumba represents Ugandan at Miss Grand International 2015
Lilian Gashumba, represents Uganda at the Miss Grand international 2015 peagent, happening in Huamark, Bangkok Thailand....
Penelope Cruz to direct documentary on childhood leukaemia
Oscar-winning actress Penelope Cruz, who plays a woman fighting breast cancer in her latest film "Ma Ma", said Thursday that she will direct a documentary on childhood leukaemia....
Should Makerere University fees policy be reviewed?
Can't Say
follow us
subscribe to our news letter