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Big Plans for 2014
Dec 30 2013 12:00PM

At the beginning of each year, almost everyone is filled with positivity and optimism for the year ahead. Unless you are an inmate at Luzira Upper Prison and your jail sentence is for life, you have every reason to be positive about the New Year. If even UPC party members can be positive heading into an election year, then it is safe to say that anyone and everyone has the right to be optimistic. True to the optimism, many people engage in creating New Year's resolutions which require one to go through a phase of self improvement.

Over the years, I have set up and absolutely failed to achieve a bunch of these resolutions. Of course there is the fact that a good chunk of them are simply out of my reach. For instance a few years ago I planned to end the year with no less than Shs. 50,000,000 in my account. Considering I was earning just Shs. 200,000 shillings per month, the plan was clearly destined for a fail. However, when you have watched a few episodes of Leverage, Heist and Hustle, you kind of start to think anything is possible. Anyway, I did not manage to hit the mark. In fact, by 31st December of that year, I was so deep in debt I would have filed for bankruptcy if the process wasn’t so damn long and if some of my debtors hadn’t threatened me with poison and burning at the stake.

Over time, I have learnt that New Year’s Resolutions must be within limits that are attainable otherwise one may appear to be a total failure in life. I cannot say I am a total failure because some of my resolutions actually see the light of day for instance I am still breathing, Jessica Alba and I still communicate even though I do most, if not all the communication, I discovered four new bars in my home area and I still have friends with whom I exchange insults and not have to worry about law suits. So surely I am not too far away from the mark.

There are resolutions that have shifted from one year to another with no results but will always feature among the list for the upcoming year. Sometimes they are added onto the resolution list because everyone else is adding them to his or her list. A few years back I thought it would be a cool thing to have a chiseled and well toned body loaded with the entire six-pack build. However, it increasingly became clear that a rippled body was/is not for me. I am one of those people who will spend nights and days in the gym and still emerge looking like a walking stick. Will I ever get a chiseled body? Probably not. Will I have this on my list of New Year’s Resolutions for 2014? Absolutely!

Several years ago, my resolutions revolved around things like getting at least two leather jackets, completing a certain level of a video game or finally going on that other coveted date with a secret admirer. Today my resolutions have shifted to more grown up things like re-watching the entire Breaking Bad series, staying out of the jail cells, staying sober for at least 7 straight days in the year and finding a woman to drag to my dad as a potential wife. The last one is subject to when (and not if) Jessica Alba or Leila of Airtel accept my advances; whichever of the two gets the memo first.

I also hope to finally have my own website off of which I can bounce all these ridiculous thoughts and pointless blog posts. I was reliably informed that for one to be recognized as a serious blogger one ought to have one’s own website. Well, if I have to skip dinner for a few weeks, so be it – the website must be set up.

I am also confident that at some point in 2014 I shall be rich. This is one of those recurring resolutions but this time round, I really plan on actually making this resolution come true. I am focused on working hard and earning big despite all the hurdles of taxation, relatives and high cost of living. I am so focused on getting rich this year; so much that robbing a bank and selling off a kidney have been penned down as possible methods of attaining this resolution.

In 2014 I am also considering finally buying a car. For some strange reason I have despised the ownership of cars. Whenever you move on the streets of Kampala, all you see are cars, cars and more cars. It appears everyone either owns a car or two or three or, in the case of a certain Government Minister, twelve cars. The traffic jams is murder and parking spaces are filled up most of the time. Banks are giving out loans left right and center and so getting a car should not be too hard. If a bank can fund me with a loan to get the Range Rover Evoque Special Edition in Santorini Black, I shall be more than glad to take the loan. About time I upgraded from ‘Conductor Mas’awo’ to ‘Teekamu amafuta ga mitwalo ebiri’.

Finally, I hope that in 2014 the wonderful folks who have been subjected to reading my weekly ranting will not lose their sight and vision or sense of humour. It is one thing to write a blog and put it out there and it is an entirely different thing to actually have people read the blog and make comments. I hope I don’t finally tip over and get checked into an asylum despite all the possibilities lingering there about. I hope my mind stays sane enough to churn out these Monday Blog posts.

Having said that, allow me to wish you all a wonderful 2014. May all your dreams come true; as long as they do not stifle mine. May the unloved become loved, may the boring ones get a sense of humour and may everyone have peace in 2014.

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.” ― Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Bernard

a.k.a Beewol

The Talkative Rocker

follow @beewol on Twitter

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