Break the silence, fight domestic violence

By Emilian Kayima

Children are back from school and its fun time, again. They have homework to do; they have stories and experiences to share with us.

Our duty as parents is to create quality time to enable these thrive. We must create impact through positive influence by making home a beautiful place to stay, devoid of violence of any sort. Love and mutual respect should be seen and felt by everyone home.

Domestic violence remains the biggest monster wrecking relationships, families despite the existence of the Domestic Violence Act of 2010 whose birth we celebrated with a glee. Do people know of its existence? Are we better because of its birth or it is business as usual?

Many women have been killed, children traumatized and orphans born out of our failure to live harmoniously in the home. Initially, home is meant to be the fountain of love, peace, honor and harmonious living. Why would a partner torture and kill a spouse s/he chose among many to live with and love forever? Some blame it on booze, peers and stress. These are catalysts not causes!

This time round, I am interested in addressing the silence from victim(s) not the criminal actions by the perpetrator(s). Why the silence?

This silence helps the perpetrator to intensify the abuse. Quite often, victims need help to get the guts to speak out, to face the monster and to fight it. Can any act or omission in a home by one partner justify violence on the other? When there is suspicion or actual wrong occasioned, it cannot be resolved by any form of violence. Violence breeds violence and it is ugly for all family members. 

Why do women often choose the route of silence while they continue to suffer violence? I have been given some reasons by some women while I was working as the officer in charge of Child and Family Protection Unit in the Uganda Police Force.

Some of these reasons go like these; “for the sake of my children…”, “culture dictates that private matters must remain private”, “religion demands that you love in good and bad times”, “my in-laws and my siblings will gang up to question my upbringing”, “I must not bring shame unto my family”, ‘the man may become more violent” and many more reasons in that direction. All these inhibit your capacity to take the proverbial bull by its horns but they cannot justify the silence.

To appreciate the issues under the spotlight, you do not need to look at it from the women activism point of view. Imagine your sweet daughter suffering at the hands of a man who promised to love her until river Nile dries up. Was violence part of the original idea? Why now?

When home seizes to bring the excitement it originally set out to bring about because of violence, other problems will most likely crop up. Love dies and a host of other good things die along; innovation, trust, good health and happiness in the home. As a result, death may occur from the physical attacks, stress rises, immunity levels go down and health risks multiply.

When a perpetrator utters the word, “I will kill you”, possibly he will kill (even women have killed but women continue to suffer more!). It is better to think that he could kill and have the matter addressed than to sweep it under the carpet. Break the silence.

Reader, in these interpersonal relationships, we must know the boundaries beyond which we can end the relationship. You were probably not made for each other. You may have to let it go, however painful it might turn out to be. What is your take?

The author is a police officer in Uganda