Emotional intelligence: do we possess it?

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By Dr Raymond Odokonyero

The family is the first unit of socialisation. It teaches the child three important systems: the emotional, the feeling and the intellectual systems. The emotional and the feeling systems contribute to what is known as “emotional intelligence.” 

If we miss the window of opportunity to develop a child emotionally, we shall never catch up. He will grow to be an emotionally disconnected adult, lacking in the useful emotional affects such as empathy.

Emotional Intelligence once harnessed at a tender age will ensure that children grow into emotionally connected and responsible adults. They will grow into adults that will not hesitate to help an old lady cross the street or to fold up their sleeves to help a stuck motorist.

I have experienced two events to demonstrate this;

Three years ago, while driving down the Wampewo Avenue, there was an unexpected build up of traffic around Hotel Africana. On reaching the spot, I found a motorist whose car, with blinking danger lights, was stuck in the middle of opposite lane. Other motorists in an attempt to go round him ended up in the wrong lane, hence the traffic.

Time was being lost by every road user because there was a general lack of Emotional Intelligence. If two or more motorists stopped and helped the motorist off the road, it would have cost everybody only a few minutes and got the traffic flowing immediately.

The helpers would have also left with a sense that they did something good to another human being. I am happy to say I and some passersby exercised empathy to this motorist and needless to mention I returned home feeling like I had saved the whole world!

Random acts of kindness without expecting any reward are the epitome of emotional development and intelligence. I can hardly say this is a common scene in Kampala. The city seems full of unfeeling human beings. It is full of human beings that will raid an accident site and jump for the hand bag or the victim’s pockets first while the victim bleeds to death. We need emotional intelligence!

Secondly, last week, while travelling to Kitgum for supervision, I and a friend were involved in a fatal accident after our car lost control, skidded off the road, hit the escarpment and the car went flying into the air, falling and overturning with us inside. We escaped with our lives.

Within minutes, onlookers rushed to the scene, helped us out of the car, collected the pieces from my two smart phones and handed them over to me.

An elderly lady pulled and pressed my painful injured hand. Another started saying a prayer, laying her hands on our heads and blessing us. Motorcyclists stopped, pushed the car out of the ditch and drove it to a safe area by the side of the road.

Another gentleman quickly checked us for any signs of serious injury. Children and adults alike were collecting the scattered documents from the road and broken car parts and putting them back in the car.

A group of about 15 men, women and children formed this formidable rescue group. On seeing that we were out of danger and after calling for help from Gulu, the rescue team departed except for one bare-chested elderly gentleman, whom we later learnt is called Odongo, who stayed with us, comforted us and talked to us for nearly one hour.

When night fell, he called his son who is my namesake, and asked him to stay with us till help arrived. His son accompanied us till the Gulu team came to our rescue.

This was a great illustration for well developed feeling system in human beings. It is amazing that in the post-conflict northern Uganda, an area just waking up from devastating effects of longstanding civil war is where love and selflessness resides. I shudder to think what would have happened if the accident happened somewhere in Kampala.

Emotional intelligence is very important for the survival of any species. It helps us understand what our bodies and those of others are trying to communicate. It enables us to connect with ourselves and with others in a profound way.

It helps us to heal and to help others heal. Do a random act of kindness today and maybe you will have saved man-kind.

The writer is psychiatrist/ lecturer at the Department of Psychiatry, MakCHS and the vice-president of EAYPTA