When men fidget with bra straps

By Tom Rwawheire

Gentlemen, you know how when you and your girl are kissing, then kissing while unbuttoning her blouse, then kissing and then the top falls to the floor, and things are getting hotter and you want to take things to second base, so you reach back to her bra and “snap” the bra is off .

There is something about that “moment”. at is the point of no return. at is where for some women they feel literally released and ready.

A number of women said they find it “hot” and that it helped them be in the “mood” when a man is able to remove all the clothes expertly, especially the bra. I hear that when time comes and the brother just puts his hand behind her and a second later the girl is topless, it makes her feel like eh, this dude knows what he is doing. I am just saying.

We took to the streets to ask some women what they had to say about this pressing current affairs issue. “What do you think about dudes who can unhook a bra with one hand?” We asked Diane.

“Is that really a current affairs issue?” “I’m the press, lady. I ask the questions around here. So, some answer please?” “Well... unhook with both hands, one hand... really doesn’t matter. Just don’t rip it apart. Personally my bras are really expensive. But if Dude fidgets, at’s a bad sign. A really bad one.”

We asked, “According to this brief I have here, some women find it really hot if a man can do it with one hand. So if he does it with one hand, does it earn him extra credit?” She replied, “Not for me... But there are other things that if he does with one hand.... Mos def EXTRA CREDIT. And don’t ask what those other things are.”

We know what those things are. We are not virgin children, in spite of what we said to Pastor Sempa when he carried out that survey. When we asked Jemimah the same question she shrugged and said, “I think if he is really good at what he should be doing then I probably wouldn’t notice him unhooking the bra with one hand. I can easily unhook my own bra and that isn’t the kind of thing I am going to go looking for in a guy. If he could do it with his toes however...”

Our investigator pushed on with the  questioning: “I hear that girls find it sexy when a guy just undresses them so expertly and if he fumbles and fumbles and takes long with the bra it dampens the mood but if he does ‘shweee’ and it’s off, the laydeez love it.”

Jemimah clarified, “Yeah but he can be fast about it without necessarily using one hand. I mean I wouldn’t want him to say ‘ first turn around, and I unhook your bra.”

We asked a fellow who walks with that swagger of like he knows how to please a lady and he said, “I’ve done it once! Alas every attempt to recapture that moment of genius has met with fiddling moments, anguish and cries for assistance...” said Raymond (names have been changed to protect the playa).

Was she impressed the time you got it? When you nailed it? (Heh heh) Raymond said, “Don’t remember that she took notice of this, like most feats of genius in life, this one passed by without cheer and I was left to applaud and congratulate myself.” Yes, he really does talk like that.  So it would seem from our field research that being a star at unhooking a bra is not necessarily the killa move.

Now that you know that her brain might be thinking “If this guy would stop staring at my chest all the time when we are talking… I mean, gosh, he is actually TALKING to my chest. I ask him a question and he replies to THEM. Where do they get these guys? Is this Uganda? I am going to post a note about such chaps on my wall. KTM.”

Wait-- that’s a different article. I mean, now that you know that her brain might be thinking, “If he can get the bra off these glorious gazangas of mine, I will admire him for it. He should not go and fumble and act as if he is trying to open a pack of crisps, like you know those ones which are packed in those buveera where you try everything to open them and they jam, even teeth,” then maybe you should learn how it is done.

The advice is that—and don’t start fuming when you read this. is is what the experts say. By experts, I mean the internet—that if you tend to fumble when opening a bra, what you should do is go to a shop and buy one and study it. Practice until you are a star at it.

Then you can call kyana and ask her if she is busy tonight. But just remember this: it is a quote from a hot chick we interviwed. “It depends in which position the man is in, for example if we are on bed then I don’t think a man can use his two hands to undo the bra for I will be lying on one arm, so he will use the other hand to undo my bra. But when we are standing of course he will use both hands,” says Grace.

But still, she adds, “But I think when a man is really sure of what he is doing it can drive you crazy to the extent that you have nothing to say. It’s like a performance from an extraordinary artist who sings with the right voice that can make you stare at this musician without a word, it’s not that she or he does not know how to sing but it is overwhelming.”

So you are not ffo the hook, guys, (get it? The hook? Hah!) so go and learn how to open the bra before you end up staring at boobs you are not even going to see properly.